Fighting your demons - When life holds a gun to your head...

[Goats left knee]

the shag the waiter mentality the likes of sex in the city has brought to the modern woman/world is so pathetic.
OP as someone said, look after your Dad

 

[Bigga]

....how do you cope?

Genuinely interested in hearing people's responses on this one. Quite a deep topic.

I've had the worst 12 hours of my life. I found out that my Mum and Dad are getting divorced - big deal. However, this afternoon, my Dad drove to the street he grew up in and tried to kill himself in the car. 10 years service in the Army and 20 years as a loyal Policeman, never a word of self-pity did I ever hear cross his lips. The most shocking thing is that my Mum is not bothered. There was no abuse between them and my Mum has joined a set of 'nouveau-riche Divorcees' as a friendship circle, whom have influenced her decision. One woman in particular has been particularly vocal about my Dad, describing him as 'boring' because he doesn't have six holidays a year. She's been divorced 3 times and is just a gold-digging woman. No honour, no self-respect.

I also took a phone call off my Gran, whom I'm very close to, who's been suffering a chest infection. Or so she though. Advanced stages of cancer and has been told that she won't live to see Christmas.

Before all of this, I was taken into a room at work this morning and told to up my enthusiasm for my shit Recruitment Consultant job. I literally cold call from 9am - 6pm with zero guidance or little help. I'm only in the job because there is nothing else and I need the money whilst I get fit to join the Army or become a teacher.

Sorry to moan, but I wanted to paint a picture. I genuinely feel like I have a knife to my throat at the moment and want to respond positively but I don't know how, apart from be there for the people that need me. The reality is, I feel like a mixture of unrelented anger and sorrow.

Question is, how do you cope when shit hits the fan?

Okay, I've had a flash read and I'm going to say my first impressions...

Between your mother and father, it sounds like there has been a problem for a seriously long time. That's not to say that the problem has been something obvious to the eye when you've been living amongst it for as long as you've known. One becomes 'blind', in such cases, unless you are directly affected.

I would hazard a guess that your father, no matter how great he may be, is one to show a facet of love rather than emote it. So the by product of such things is a lack of communication or, as some would say, being "unable to talk about one's feelings". So, here's the hard and fast question that would make my post look stupid; how well do you know your father emotionally?

This, in itself, will give you the clue as to the relationship between him and your mother. The phrase "never a word of self pity", to me, is a furious red flag as it sounds like he's carried this notion from his work life into the home. Whilst it sounds manly and honourable, it is deeply old fashioned and repressive. Again, whilst it was easy to look at him with pride and say "Good old Dad" as you've grown up and become a man, it may have been more prudent to take him out, now and again for a coffee or beer, and patted him on his lap and ask "How you doing, Dad? I mean, really how are you doing?". But, it's not a fault that you haven't as we, as children, forget to ask our parents as a whole. We just assume.

I think your mother is just lashing out. Maybe she's feeling tired of the non communication, often which means a routine of life is lived. One knows where one's place is and in which order; wake up, breakfast, housework, cook tea, bed. I don't know, it's just an example and over simplified, but routine is routine and years of it can affect the mind. Perhaps she feels she's outgrown your father? Possibly she's looking for something she hasn't experienced being married for years. I can't see it as being personal, but merely spreading her wings and these new 'friends' have happened to be there at the 'right time' to paint her a new vision of life. Perhaps she's been repressed too and people just assume about her as well.

Your Gran? Well, my wife has similar problems with hers as you do. I have only said just to begin to accept the inevitable, privately, and try and to spend as much time as you can with her. This, in itself, will make you feel better rather than worry about something you have no control over.

And your job? Is just that. A job. Recruitment is a cold hearted S.O.B. and if it ain't you, it ain't you. Do something about that, accordingly.

Good luck, Blue, and I hope I've spent what was supposed to be short text, talking sh*t and I'm way way off base.

 

[BimboBob]

Nicely put Bigga.


As everyone has said...

Look after your Dad, it sounds like he needs support.
Say your piece to your Mum and leave it at that.
Cancer is a woman. Give your Nan all the support and love she needs.
If you hate your job but need a job until you join the army keep it but activly look for another.

Good luck pal.

 

[peoffrey]

Unfortunately, we all have many ups and downs in our lifetime...I sometimes think there are more downs myself but hey-ho!

I disagree. It seems to be human nature to only remember the bad times.

 

[didactic]

It gets better blue I know its cliche but life is hard for everyone all it takes is putting things into perspective. Your father made it out alive so there is room for you all to sit down and talk this. Dont let the little things get to you because the most important thing is your well being. As for your parents dont let their decisions and choices affect you to te point it depresses you. I know its hard but this is YOUR life. Help in any way you can but dont get so emotionally involved or it will drag you down too. Always remember that problems build character and one day you will be laughing about all this.

Life is not unkind it is just rather indifferent so dont take it personal.

 

[peoffrey]

And your job? Is just that. A job. Recruitment is a cold hearted S.O.B. and if it ain't you, it ain't you. Do something about that, accordingly.

You've got that right. Recruitment Consultants are like City Bankers because they're only motivated by money. If the OP doesn't fit in to that mindset then it's time to do something honourable like Teaching or joining the Army. 2 very fine careers.

 

[gazhinio]

Unfortunately, we all have many ups and downs in our lifetime...I sometimes think there are more downs myself but hey-ho!

I disagree. It seems to be human nature to only remember the bad times.

Ot course we remember the bad times ie relatives dying, losing jobs etc!
I take it you have never had bad times then?
Not having a go at you pal, it just seems strange someone could disagree that we all have bad times in our lifetimes....or do you mean how we cope with the bad times and just get on with life?
If thats the case I suppose you have a valid point!

 

[acquiesce]

Sounds about my life 5 years ago. Grandfather died suddenly, parents divorced, real threat of losing my job. What got me through was my friends. Its times like those when you realize or find out who your real friends are. I can honestly say I would not be where I am right now without a few of their shoulders to lean on. I really can't add much to what has already been said, but good luck blue and keep your chin up. Not to trivialize it, but nearly everyone has been there. I know you're feeling the low of the low right now, but it gets better. Spend time with the people that matter most in your life (dad, grandmother, friends). You and they all deserve it.

 

[WEMBLEY76]

All the tips to keep trying to remain positive are good advice.Look for the good things in your life,there will be some,and treasure them.
June 2008 I realised my life was out of control with debt,I remember trying to call the credit card companies to set up payment plans,but after being left on hold as they couldn't categorise me (up to then I hadn't missed any payments) I realised I needed some help,burst into tears and started to take measures to control this situation.Felt very low and like there was no way out but my 15 year old daughter was due home from school and I needed to pull myself together for her.It was the week Hughes became City manager.Three years on I am out of the woods,paying into an IVA for another 50 months to clear my debts.My outlook on life has changed,feel stronger now for having gone through this.In May 2008 my sister caught meningitis and was close to death,I prayed for her to pull through and she did.Believe that things will get better,good luck and I am thinking of you.

 

[BlueHammer85]

Sorry to hear about your problems pal!
Unfortunately, we all have many ups and downs in our lifetime...I sometimes think there are more downs myself but hey-ho!
I had to face up to a gambling addiction over 3 years ago and was not in a good place!
Stopped gambling (to a certain degree!) and have a wonderful baby girl, nice wife, great house etc
Still doesnt stop me feeling down almost every other day and this includes me worrying about other peoples problems (ie family,wife etc)
Good to talk to other people about your problems though, although it sounds like your dad needs specialist advice/help asap!!!!
Good luck young man!

How did you stop your gambling addiction mate ?

i blew alot on stupid bets lately and starting to wonder if im addicted, im feeling sh*t about it