Funniest thing you have heard at a match

[alibee73]

A few games after Paul Lake swallowed his tongue at Maine Rd another player went down with a bang and was spark out and twitching, the Kippax went silent (which you know is proper eerie when you are at a match). After about 30 seconds some joker pipes up

" I think he`s swallowed his fuckin ear"

Cant remember what player it was but he had big ears. The kippax went from perfectly silent to a full on roar in a millisecond.

Anyone remember Mr "PUSH UPPPPP", used to get right on my tits

 

[blewmoon70]

A mate of mine was watching a World Cup match on TV when his missus walked in, sat down next to him and asked him who was playing. Austria v Cameroon he said.
"Which ones which?" she asked him.
I think he walked out of the house...

 

[richardtheref]

I used to work for Brookes Mileson, owner of Gretna when they got to the Scottish Cup final and then he and them went bankrupt.

During the Korea/Japan World Cup we were allowed to watch the games on a big screen he got in for it as long as we worked our hours back up. Anyway, him & i were watching i think Uruguay V Italy. After about 10 minutes i clicked he thought that Uruguay were Italy. I told him that Italy were in the white shirts not the blue. He said thay i obviously knew nothing about football as Italy play in blue. Never really believed the old saying about football owners not knowing anything about football till that day.

 

[M.C.F.C.O.K]

'Stand up if you've won the league' Manchester City V Chelsea

 

[The Flash]

At Maine Road on the Kippax, bloke behind me always, without fail, used to shout "Immense Steve Howey, IMMENSE!!!" every time the Geordie clogger had the ball.

 

[Little by Little]

"You're a loser if you're not a gooner"

 

[OnlyOneUweRosler]

I used to work for Brookes Mileson, owner of Gretna when they got to the Scottish Cup final and then he and them went bankrupt.

During the Korea/Japan World Cup we were allowed to watch the games on a big screen he got in for it as long as we worked our hours back up. Anyway, him & i were watching i think Uruguay V Italy. After about 10 minutes i clicked he thought that Uruguay were Italy. I told him that Italy were in the white shirts not the blue. He said thay i obviously knew nothing about football as Italy play in blue. Never really believed the old saying about football owners not knowing anything about football till that day.

Words fail me

 

[Blue Coop]

Linesman made what looked like a bad decision on a throw-in and amongst the moaning of the crowd one guy stands up and simply shouts "Your wife's got a beard." Simple but effective.

 

[Shadz69]

At a pre season friendly in Dublin when Reid was the boss,I think it might have been Shamrock rovers?Sam Ellis was out with the players warming up and this guy who was the worse for wear started giving him abuse,Reid ya scouse bastard,Reid you were a shit player and are a shit manager,Reid ya fucker etc.It went on for about 10 mins when Ellis comes over and tells him he is'nt Reid his name is Ellis,your man looks at him for a while and then says well I never heard of ya so everything I said stands.Sam cracks up and wandered back to the players shaking his head.

 

[SJT]

Some dick behind me, said, when he first arrived
'Fuck off you useless cnut' referring to Yaya.
ha ha ha ha ha