Funniest/wittiest replies to a question

[BigBluey]

Whilst travelling from Manchester to Portsmouth in the 70’s I got off the train at Euston and made my way to the taxi rank.
I was serving in the RN at the time and had my Navy hat on the outside of my suitcase.
A taxi saw me and pulled up. I said Waterloo?
He replied “The station?” I quipped “Well I think I’m a bit too late for the battle”. His face was a picture!

 

[Brightwell’s left peg]

I’ve been called many things, many times, but that might be a first for that one!

If anything, I’m answering A question without answering THE question!

;-)

You’re answering the exact same question, but taken to have a totally different meaning than intended. The fact you can do that…the English language is great ‘innit’. Mind you, I’d suggest border control aren’t the sharpest tool in the box if they’re so easily led. I’d have the rubber gloves out had you said the same to me!!

Upon considered reflection…you’re a diversionary kiss ass.

;-)

 

[abu13]

At the Trafford centre a guy came of out the gents toilets and then held his partners hand,
She immedietly replied that he hadnt dried his hands after washing them.
He replied that he hadn't washed them :)

 

[blumanchu]

In an interview before fighting the then Cassius clay sonny Liston was asked 'are you concerned about clay's speed ' Liston replied
"the Titanic was faster than the iceberg"

 

[Magicpole]

sometimes the question is that stupid it requires a smartass answer i had a middle aged woman ask me what time midday was this week.

Depends when you got up love.

 

[I'm With Stupid]

Saw one on Instagram about a 10 year-old unintentionally roasting someone.

"Next time you come back, maybe you'll have a boyfriend."
"Or a girlfriend. I'm bisexual, so I like boys and girls."
"Oh, so you can't get a boyfriend or a girlfriend."

 

[idahoblues]

I wasn’t being smug…rather self deprecating and inwardly happy (and somewhat surprised) with myself for my quick wit. Plus, it was on the border between interior BC and Idaho. They’d probably struggle to spell ‘smug’ in those parts of the world, let along try to act it, so I doubt he did deal with many smug cnuts on a daily basis.

As for you, rather than a smug cnut, I think the colloquial local term for you would be a ‘kiss ass’!!

;-)

In all fairness to the boarder guard, he was probably so taken aback by your rapier wit and superior intellect that he was left speechless.

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

I was in a bank needing to sign a form, so I said the the cashier:-

"Have you got a pen handy?"

He said "My names not Andy"

 

[Dicko69]

On this marvellous forum over a decade ago, there was a daft thread asking what wierd things you would do or have done to you for lots of money ie would you lose a limb for a million.
Someone asked "would you let a tramp cum on your face for £100k?"
To which someone replied "yeah, but I'd want the money up front, I'm not falling for that again"

 

[yatesy94.]

Coach driver who was a United fan took us back from Wembley 2011 semi final when beat them he was understandably grumpy all trip, wouldn't put radio on after politely being asked etc being a general arse a few blues asked if he would drop them off en route. He slammed on breaks said "I'll only drop off if you have a whip round".

Blue at the back shouted "I'll whip you round your f**kin head if you don't drop us off up here pal!"