Funniest/wittiest replies to a question

[JASR]

multiple times on holiday/abroad prior to 2011/12:

Them: 'So where you from?' (said in the local accent)
Me: "Uk"
Them: "oh which part?"
Me: "Near Manchester"
Them: "oh so you support United then?"
me: "no, City, I come from Manchester"

multiple times on holiday/abroad after 2011/12:
Them: 'So where you from?' (said in the local accent)
Me: "Uk"
Them: "oh which part?"
Me: "Near Manchester"
Them: "oh so you support City then?"
me: "yes, obviously, I come from Manchester"

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

When I worked on the unloading side of the stores and dispatch area drivers used to ask for my name for their delivery notes. " Can I take your name mate " they would ask and I would always reply " Only if you marry me "

 

[RadcliffeRick]

Can you imagine the smug cunts he has to listen to all day?

To be fair, though, when I get home from a long trip overseas (in uniform, mind you), and get asked “Do you have anything to declare?” I have always answered, “It’s good to be back in America!” It nearly always elicits a “Welcome home!”

So, maybe I’m one of those smug cunts, too!

When you look at the cabinet crew on the overseas flights do you sometimes think you are in a remake of the film Cocoon? :-)

 

[Grassland Blue]

A clearly nervous passenger, about to board her plane, asked me if these planes crash often. I replied "Only once madam". Perhaps not the most helpful or reassuring reply.

A different nervous flyer asked his mate about where best to sit on the plane.
Mate "Well I always sit at the back".

N/F "Oh, why do you always sit there?"

Mate "Well, I've never heard of a plane reversing into a mountain!"

 

[dronefromsector7G]

When I worked on the unloading side of the stores and dispatch area drivers used to ask for my name for their delivery notes. " Can I take your name mate " they would ask and I would always reply " Only if you marry me "

Did any of them accept your proposal?

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

Did any of them accept your proposal?

They all did

 

[dronefromsector7G]

They all did

Slag

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

Slag

Not really, them drivers spend a lot of time on their own on the road, then they see a good looking lad like me.
No wonder they all want me.

 

[Kinkladze's crazy skills]

Here's one...

 

[Brightwell’s left peg]

In all fairness to the boarder guard, he was probably so taken aback by your rapier wit and superior intellect that he was left speechless.

You’re probably correct. They don’t really do education in that part of the world. Based on the guys vacant expression and personality, he was probably still trying to figure out what the on/off switch for his computer looked like.