Joke of the day

[Scareye]

A young lad bursts in to the bathroom, dying for a piss only to be confronted with his father in the bath washing an enormous erection.
Wow dad that's massive, when will I get one of those??
When your mum goes to bingo!!!

 

[BackofJeanette]

Man meets woman in bar & buys her a drink. He keeps looking at his watch, she asks why.
He says "It's a new dating watch, it's giving me information about you."
"What does it say?" she asks.
"It says you have no knickers on!"
"It's wrong!" she says.
"I know, he replies, it's an hour fast!"

 

[Josh Blue]

A lion wouldnt cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood.

 

[BackofJeanette]

I went into a brothel and said, "How much for anal?"
She said, "Sixty quid."
I said, "Ah, that's a bit expensive. I think I'll leave it."
She said, "Tight arse."
I said, "Oh, go on then."<br /><br />-- Tue Jul 26, 2011 5:29 pm --<br /><br />"ERECTUS TROUSERIUS"or The Trouser Snake is the worlds most dangerous snake.Colour varies from pink to black.It's fangless, average length 5 - 6 inches (although some are said to reach 8 inches depending on honesty of its owner)it appears usually in bedrooms attacking women in the mouth or lower abdominal area,its highly venomous spit can cause swelling lasting 9 months!

Some mutant species are also known to attack men from behind!

 

[Fred_Quimby]

 

[BlueHammer85]

View attachment 121449

worth the 12 year wait that.

 

[dobingsdobber]

What's the difference between a dashing cavalry officer and a flatulent beer-delivery driver?

The dashing cavalry officer darts into the fray.
......................................

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[KS55]

Two Scouse cellmates, both writing letters home, one turns and says.
'Ow d'ya spell Darryl"
The other replies 'Y'don't know anyone called Darryl'


"I know!' replies the first 'I'm writing to me Mam an I'm asking for a pair 'a shoes Darryl fit me!"

To which the answer is Worral.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.

"Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!" she exclaimed. "No," said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."

"Let's see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want. I would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yes, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed."

Poof! And just like that...... her ears were gone.