Joke of the day

[Soulboy]

What is Bob Marley's favourite type of doughnut?

Wi' jammin...

 

[Josh Blue]

What is a chav's favourite ice cream flavour? Mint
What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet? Sorted
What do you call a chav in a suitcase? Innit

Two chav's on top of a cliff decide to have a race to the bottom of the drop. Who wins? Society.

What is a chav?

 

[Joycee Banercheck]

What is a chav's favourite ice cream flavour? Mint
What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet? Sorted
What do you call a chav in a suitcase? Innit

Two chav's on top of a cliff decide to have a race to the bottom of the drop. Who wins? Society.

What is a chav?

 

[jimharri]

What is a chav?

<a class="postlink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav</a>
<a class="postlink" href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chav" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chav</a>

 

[BulgarianPride]

Irish Furniture Dealer.

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Murphy couldn't understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.

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[BackofJeanette]

He was in ecstasy, with a smile on his face, as he watched his girlfriend moved forwards then backwards.....
back and forth..
back and forth..
In and out..
in and out..
Her heart was pounding faster, her face was getting flush & she started to grunt and groan.
Then she let out one almighty scream!!!.............



"I can't park this fucking car!
you do it you smug bastard'!<br /><br />-- Thu Jul 21, 2011 12:01 am --<br /><br />If a long condom goes on a long prick and a short condom goes on a short prick..

what should you put on a thick prick?.....





A man united top!

 

[Kestrelblue]

Teacher asks her class "Which part of your body goes to heaven first"

Mary replies "Thats easy miss your feet"

Teacher asks "why?"

Mary replies " Cos I have seen my mum with her feet in the air saying oh my god I'm coming"

 

[pieface]

Im gutted, thought i had found a job working for a dodgy loft conversion firm......but it fell through.......

 

[brotherblue]

After every flight, Qantus pilots fill out a form, called a ‘Gripe Sheet’, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then the pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said the ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantus pilots (marked with P) and the solutions recorded (marked with S) by the maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantus is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside tyre almost needs replacing.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cock-pit.
S: Something tightened in cock-pit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto-pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly straight and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Re-programmed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cock-pit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

 

[the mystery illness]

After every flight, Qantus pilots fill out a form, called a ‘Gripe Sheet’, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then the pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said the ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantus pilots (marked with P) and the solutions recorded (marked with S) by the maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantus is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside tyre almost needs replacing.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cock-pit.
S: Something tightened in cock-pit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto-pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly straight and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Re-programmed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cock-pit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget