Joke of the Week!

went to the doctor last week because i can't sleep

doctor asked if i masturbate

I said yes, do you think that's the problem?

he said no
 
She was standing in the kitchen
Preparing to boil eggs for breakfast,
Wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in almost awake,
She turned and said softly,
'You've got to make love to me this very moment'.

My eyes lit up and I thought,
'I am either still dreaming or
This is going to be my lucky day.'

Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then gave it my all;
Right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said 'Thanks' and returned to the stove, her 'T'
shirt still around her neck.
A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'
 
Confession


An Irishman went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church. "Father," he confessed, "it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month. "The priest told the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys."

Soon thereafter, another Irishman entered the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months." This time, the priest questioned, "Who is this Nookie Green?" "A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replied. "Very well," sighed the priest. "Go and say 10 Hail Marys."

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous red-headed woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but enough. The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, "Is that Nookie Green?"

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, "No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes."
 
When is a pixie not a pixie?

When she's got her head down an elf's pants....

Then she's a goblin.
 
johnmc said:
Sorry I dont get that Nookie Green joke??

Nookie Green - Reflect in her shoes???
Click to expand...


The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but enough. The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, "Is that Nookie Green?"

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, "No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes."

Think about it !
 
Biggsy1 said:
She was standing in the kitchen
Preparing to boil eggs for breakfast,
Wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in almost awake,
She turned and said softly,
'You've got to make love to me this very moment'.

My eyes lit up and I thought,
'I am either still dreaming or
This is going to be my lucky day.'

Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then gave it my all;
Right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said 'Thanks' and returned to the stove, her 'T'
shirt still around her neck.
A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'
Click to expand...
I like that one--mind you my egg would be under cooked
 
Donald Duck has arranged a dirty weekend away, but as he starts unpacking in the room he realises that he's left his condoms at home. So he phones reception.
Receptionist says, "certainly Mr Duck, we have condims in stock. shall I put them on your bill?"

Donal;d replies, "don't be stupid, I'd suffocate !"
 
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