BackofJeanette
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
jazzy
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ColinBellsjockstrap
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- 23 Dec 2009
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Kim Yong-un wanted some positive media coverage for his birthday, and commissioned a composer in Pyongyang to write a symphony for his birthday concert. The composer would even get the honour of conducting the orchestra.
Well, it was an utter disaster. The string section was playing in a different key to the brass section and the horn section completely missed their entry a at the climax of the finalé, ruining the whole thing. The Supreme Leader was purple with rage, motioning to nearby soldiers to escort the hapless composer to a nearby prison. He was to be executed by electric chair the following morning.
The guards did offer him the last meal of his choice though. He asked for a really hot curry, which the guards fetched him.
The following day came and Kim Yong-un came to witness the composer being punished for his embarrassing display. Mr Kim took a seat and gestured to the executioner to throw the switch. He duly did so, the lights of the prison dimmed for a few seconds... and there sat a completely unharmed conductor.
His rage punctured by his astonishment, Kim Yong-un thought this to be a sign from the universe that the composer be given another chance. The Day Of The Sun was not far away, and the composer was offered another chance and another concert. A new piece of music was composed.
Rehearsals went well but yet again, the performance was woeful. No two musicians were in time with each other and the lead violinist murdered the melody of the opening movement. The composer looked nervously to the Presidential Box, where Kim
Yong-un sat, shaking his head.
Once again, the composer found himself dragged back to another prison, condemned to the electric chair. When offered a last meal, he asked for "a really, really hot curry, even more hot than the last one." It was duly prepared.
On the day, Kim ordered a special generator be added to ensure additional voltage, and that all the components of the electric chair be checked. At the critical moment, the lights dimmed again... and the conductor had not even a singed hair to show for it.
The flabbergasted Supreme Leader stood to his feet, shooting and pointing at the stubbornly alive victim: "You will have one more chance on International Workers Day to prove yourself!" he screamed. "But I warn you; while you are preparing I will build an execution chamber directly at a power station, and demand that while power station's supply is dedicated to terminating your existence if you fail me!"
The third attempt, in front of the great and the good of Pyongyang, sadly fared no better. Kim Yong-un didn't even wait for the first movement to finish this time, insisting that the unfortunate composer be led to a waiting van, driven to a brand new electric chair at a nearby power station.
Just as the man was about to ask for yet another final meal- a curry hotter than anyone has ever made before- into the prison cell marched Kim with a couple of guards. "There is to be no final meal, and certainly no curry!", he bellowed. "You are to be executed right away! You have embarrassed me enough!"
And so the composer meekly followed his guards to his personal electric chair, a veritable mountain of cables and circuitry. Whole cities would be deprived of power to ensure his demise. And when the switch was thrown... nothing happened.
"But how?", shouted Kim Yong-un. "You didn't have any curry this time and no one should have survived all of that electrical potential!"
"It's nothing to do with the curries, O Great One.", said the musician. "I am the finest composer in North Korea...
... but I am a really poor conductor."
Well, it was an utter disaster. The string section was playing in a different key to the brass section and the horn section completely missed their entry a at the climax of the finalé, ruining the whole thing. The Supreme Leader was purple with rage, motioning to nearby soldiers to escort the hapless composer to a nearby prison. He was to be executed by electric chair the following morning.
The guards did offer him the last meal of his choice though. He asked for a really hot curry, which the guards fetched him.
The following day came and Kim Yong-un came to witness the composer being punished for his embarrassing display. Mr Kim took a seat and gestured to the executioner to throw the switch. He duly did so, the lights of the prison dimmed for a few seconds... and there sat a completely unharmed conductor.
His rage punctured by his astonishment, Kim Yong-un thought this to be a sign from the universe that the composer be given another chance. The Day Of The Sun was not far away, and the composer was offered another chance and another concert. A new piece of music was composed.
Rehearsals went well but yet again, the performance was woeful. No two musicians were in time with each other and the lead violinist murdered the melody of the opening movement. The composer looked nervously to the Presidential Box, where Kim
Yong-un sat, shaking his head.
Once again, the composer found himself dragged back to another prison, condemned to the electric chair. When offered a last meal, he asked for "a really, really hot curry, even more hot than the last one." It was duly prepared.
On the day, Kim ordered a special generator be added to ensure additional voltage, and that all the components of the electric chair be checked. At the critical moment, the lights dimmed again... and the conductor had not even a singed hair to show for it.
The flabbergasted Supreme Leader stood to his feet, shooting and pointing at the stubbornly alive victim: "You will have one more chance on International Workers Day to prove yourself!" he screamed. "But I warn you; while you are preparing I will build an execution chamber directly at a power station, and demand that while power station's supply is dedicated to terminating your existence if you fail me!"
The third attempt, in front of the great and the good of Pyongyang, sadly fared no better. Kim Yong-un didn't even wait for the first movement to finish this time, insisting that the unfortunate composer be led to a waiting van, driven to a brand new electric chair at a nearby power station.
Just as the man was about to ask for yet another final meal- a curry hotter than anyone has ever made before- into the prison cell marched Kim with a couple of guards. "There is to be no final meal, and certainly no curry!", he bellowed. "You are to be executed right away! You have embarrassed me enough!"
And so the composer meekly followed his guards to his personal electric chair, a veritable mountain of cables and circuitry. Whole cities would be deprived of power to ensure his demise. And when the switch was thrown... nothing happened.
"But how?", shouted Kim Yong-un. "You didn't have any curry this time and no one should have survived all of that electrical potential!"
"It's nothing to do with the curries, O Great One.", said the musician. "I am the finest composer in North Korea...
... but I am a really poor conductor."
sir baconface
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Alan Harper's Tash
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Stuuuuuu
Well-Known Member
Kinda missing the point that the name of the original paper was a joke on Harry Potter in the first place.
Alan Harper's Tash
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Apologies. I didn’t know you’d written it.
Stuuuuuu
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I didn't. However, I do possess basic reading comprehension skills.
Alan Harper's Tash
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- 12 Dec 2010
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I guess it much more important than watching City, what with you replying half an hour into the game.
Well done. Keep up your fun policing.
roman totale
Well-Known Member
Reminds me of the old Two Ronnies sketch, where Barker tells Corbett,
“You got to stop buying stuff from that bloke down the pub. Remember that golden Labrador puppy he sold ya?”
“Why, what was wrong with it?”
“It was a bloody hamster!”
I’m doing it from memory, the actual words were funnier. I did try and find it on the ‘net. All I’ll say is that there appears to be a surprising amount of Two Ronnies sketches on xHamster…
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