Joke thread

[CALCIO POTATO]

I walked into my local bookies and the Manager said, i see you've had a double and i said really - yeah two non runners!!

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

Remember this well as a regular weapon in my history teachers arsenal........this or chalk would be rifled across the classroom towards those talking or not paying attention.

Never thought it an issue at the time, but he'd be fired on the spot these days.

He even had a hand grenade in his cupboard that came out on occasions.

We used to hide them out on the window ledge, in secondary school. The teacher wouldn’t be able to wipe the board from the previous lesson.
Pretty sure I took one as a souvenir when I left school.

 

[Fred_Quimby]

When I first started teaching cough, cough years ago; the sixth form at the end of the last day before study leave went around the whole school and hid every single board rubber.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[horlock_was_super]

I always told my Father that one day his pride would kill him.
I was right.
His favourite lion ate him this morning.

 

[nw42]

 

[BackofJeanette]

 

[knuckles]

Sorry, couldn't help it, this made me chuckle.

I got attacked by a flock of sheep yesterday!
Luckily, I was only grazed...

 

[knuckles]

Bloke goes into a pet shop
"Can I have ten bees please?"
Shopkeeper says "of course that will be £10" bloke walks out and comes back 5 minutes later.
"Excuse me but you've put 11 bees in only paid for ten"
Shopkeeper says "yeah that's a free bee"

 

[knuckles]

You've got to talk in a Texas voice for this one:

It was in the old west when a cat walked into a bar with a bandaged foot and said:
“I’m looking for the man that shot my paw”