Joke thread

[mexico1970]

 

[I am Irrefutable]

People don't believe that I'm a singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band.

Well.I.Am.

 

[Grassland Blue]

P

I wot m8?

Pep Si

 

[BimboBob]

P

Pep Si

Still lost me.

 

[KS55]

Still lost me.

It is a reference to a well known beverage, m’lud.
True reference to an English High Court case:
Judge:”Who are the Beatles?”
QC “They are a well known popular music combo, Your Honour.”

 

[WickyWain]

Still lost me.

Me too.

Why is the Pepsi in the freezer?

 

[Grassland Blue]

Still lost me.

Si is Spanish for yes....

 

[citizen_maine]

Si is Spanish for yes....

You know it hasn't worked when you have to explain it and most still don't think it's funny :-)

 

[fanatic1]

3 women were discussing their pregnancies at the ante natal clinic. The brunette says that she was on top at the conception so she's confident that her baby will be a boy. The redhead states that she was underneath and so is expecting a girl. The blonde looks worried and sighs "I'm having a litter of puppies."

 

[BimboBob]

Me too.

Why is the Pepsi in the freezer?

And what has that got to do with Morrisons?

 

[Vienna_70]

My phone rang earlier, and when I answered it, a bloke on the other end said, "Stand and deliver!"

I told him, "I think you’ve got the wrong number," but he was adamant.

 

[citymad]

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the Vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your Polly has passed
away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning a few moments later with beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet led the dog out but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry; but like I said, your Polly is most definitely, 100% certifiably ...dead."

He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150 " she cried. "$150 just to tell me my bird is dead?!"

The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would only have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, what did you expect?"

 

[mosssideblue]

 

[Hertzblue]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Tourist since 1971]

View attachment 127717

So is that a yes?

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Barcon]

Si is Spanish for yes....

mi bicicleta esta afuera