blue44
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- Joined
- 20 Jun 2009
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- 9,144
- Location
- Ashton-u-lyne,Manchester.
- Team supported
- St Marks West Gorton
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.
Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life son, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it.'
Then he passed his hand over my head and left.
My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person.
When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me!
I was so traumatized I couldn't sleep properly.
I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone.
I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years.
I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years.
It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear.
Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life.
The dead bastard had a twin.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.
Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life son, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it.'
Then he passed his hand over my head and left.
My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person.
When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me!
I was so traumatized I couldn't sleep properly.
I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone.
I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years.
I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years.
It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear.
Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life.
The dead bastard had a twin.
So he left his own brothers funeral half way through it, did he have his bike with him or something?When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.
Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life son, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it.'
Then he passed his hand over my head and left.
My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person.
When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me!
I was so traumatized I couldn't sleep properly.
I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone.
I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years.
I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years.
It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear.
Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life.
The dead bastard had a twin.
BimboBob
Well-Known Member
He had his bike outside.So he left his own brothers funeral half way through it, did he have his bike with him or something?
BackofJeanette
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,587
One day there were two hippos stood in
a pool of cool mud under the blazing African heat.
They just stared at each other, not saying much.
Pretty much bored out their skins, nothing to do.
All of a sudden another hippo came crashing out of the bush and started running around the pool.
" Yippee" he shouted.
Yee haa, whoop, whoop whoop, yes , yes, yesssssss.
One of the hippos in the pool shouts,
" Hey what's going on, what's the big occasion?"
The mad one stops and shouts back,
" Today's Tuesday!"
It's ok, I'm on my bike, I'll be off.
a pool of cool mud under the blazing African heat.
They just stared at each other, not saying much.
Pretty much bored out their skins, nothing to do.
All of a sudden another hippo came crashing out of the bush and started running around the pool.
" Yippee" he shouted.
Yee haa, whoop, whoop whoop, yes , yes, yesssssss.
One of the hippos in the pool shouts,
" Hey what's going on, what's the big occasion?"
The mad one stops and shouts back,
" Today's Tuesday!"
It's ok, I'm on my bike, I'll be off.
horlock_was_super
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 8 Jul 2009
- Messages
- 3,633
- Location
- In complete despair at 93:19
- Team supported
- Manchester City F.C.
Q: What weighs 708 stone and can fly ?One day there were two hippos stood in
a pool of cool mud under the blazing African heat.
They just stared at each other, not saying much.
Pretty much bored out their skins, nothing to do.
All of a sudden another hippo came crashing out of the bush and started running around the pool.
" Yippee" he shouted.
Yee haa, whoop, whoop whoop, yes , yes, yesssssss.
One of the hippos in the pool shouts,
" Hey what's going on, what's the big occasion?"
The mad one stops and shouts back,
" Today's Tuesday!"
It's ok, I'm on my bike, I'll be off.
A: A Hippodrone
LWashington
Well-Known Member
Two hippos swimming down a river in Africa and they come to a fork in the river.
One hippo turns to the other and says "That's funny I've never seen that before".
The other hippo replies "Neither have I, that's why it's now stuck in my fucking foot".
One hippo turns to the other and says "That's funny I've never seen that before".
The other hippo replies "Neither have I, that's why it's now stuck in my fucking foot".
Last edited:
If your doing xmas cracker jokes,Q: What weighs 708 stone and can fly ?
A: A Hippodrone
Q: Whats a short sighted dinosour called?
A: Doyouthinkhesaurus
Three frogs went on holiday together & stopped the first night in a hotel,
To keep comfortable one frog slept in the damp sink, one frog slept in the bath with a bit of water & one frog slept in the toilet,
In the morning they all compared there nights sleep & both the frog that slept in the sink & the frog that slept in the bath were pleased with there accommodation but sadly the frog that slept in the toilet said he was not happy because while he was asleep it started raining then seconds later a log fell on him.
To keep comfortable one frog slept in the damp sink, one frog slept in the bath with a bit of water & one frog slept in the toilet,
In the morning they all compared there nights sleep & both the frog that slept in the sink & the frog that slept in the bath were pleased with there accommodation but sadly the frog that slept in the toilet said he was not happy because while he was asleep it started raining then seconds later a log fell on him.