Joke thread

[horlock_was_super]

View attachment 133932

Middle of the table?????

Rag!

 

[Lavinda Past]

My gradad was a brilliant Elvis Presley impersonator.

Unfortunately, there wasn't much call for it in the 1920s...

 

[Lavinda Past]

I could read that every day for the rest of my life and still not have the foggiest

Education is a gift that some people don't appreciate until far too late in life.

 

[KS55]

Education is a gift that some people don't appreciate until far too late in life.

I had a decent education. The main thing is how much pleasure it has given me throughout my life to be able to make connections and references. Plus a portmanteau of completely useless esoteric information, only half remembered.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I had a decent education. The main thing is how much pleasure it has given me throughout my life to be able to make connections and references. Plus a portmanteau of completely useless esoteric information, only half remembered.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Hecklers anonymous meeting tonight 7pm.
Bring your own boos.

That's tickled me !!

 

[chris63]

Who invented the glass bra ?

Seymour Tit.

Oldie but still funny

 

[Lavinda Past]

BBC News: 'Woman Dies in River Tragedy'

Not the best name for a river is it?

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate went into hospital for vasectomy, but the surgeon accidentally cut his balls off.

He wasn't bitter though; in fact, he spoke very highly of the surgeon afterwards.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Look, I'm all for colouring books...

But dot-to-dot books?

That's where I draw the line.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Our local Sainsbury's has a special Polish section.

When I got there the shelves were full of jars of pickles and packets of dried meat and stuff, all covered with foreign writing.

All I wanted was a can of Mr Sheen.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I've just bought a motorcycle which used to belong to Errol Brown from Hot Chocolate.


It started with a kick.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I took my new clarinet back to the music shop,

"I don't know what it is, " I said, "I can only seem to be able to play the song Perfect Day on it properly. Nothing else seems be right or in tune. "

"Let's have a look, " said the assistant as he dismantled my clarinet,

"Ha, there's the problem" he said, "it looks like it was fitted with a Lou Reed."

 

[KS55]

I took my new clarinet back to the music shop,

"I don't know what it is, " I said, "I can only seem to be able to play the song Perfect Day on it properly. Nothing else seems be right or in tune. "

"Let's have a look, " said the assistant as he dismantled my clarinet,

"Ha, there's the problem" he said, "it looks like it was fitted with a Lou Reed."

Sorry, hopelessly contrived.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Sorry, hopelessly contrived.

No, definitely Perfect Day...

:-)

 

[citizen_maine]

Sorry, hopelessly contrived.

Vicious

 

[Lavinda Past]

When I was 16 years old I told my mum I wanted to get a motorbike.

She said, "You are not buying a motorbike.... Your uncle died in a horrible motorcycle accident. . You can have his bike."

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[bennyboy]