Joke thread

[Bill Walker]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[J.G.Blue.]

I covered myself in creosote earlier today… No particular reason, just thought I'd treat myself!

I backed a horse called Creosote in the Grand National one year, I thought it would be good over fences.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Big Swifty]

Not true.
A good wank beats anything.

Reminds me of one I heard in the 1960s......

A guy is marooned on a desert island after his boat goes down. His only enjoyment comes from pleasuring himself, but after a while he can't raise a stiffie, much to his despair.

One day he scans the horizon and suddenly cries out "A ship! A ship! I'm saved!" He starts to think of what he'lldo when he gets home. He decides to go out for a proper slap-up meal, buy some smart new gear and find a woman to shag. At this, his todger gives a little twitch.

Then he thinks "Forget the slap-up meal, I'll get my new gear and go out and give this woman a good seeing-to". Whereupon his prick rises up a bit more. So he says "Bugger the new gear! I've got a wardrobe full of smart kit at home. I'll go straight out and find myself a blonde who'll give me the lot."

Now his old man stands up tall and proud, at which point he grabs it hard and says "Got you, you bugger! And not a ship in sight!"

 

[Aguerooooooo93:20]

 

[Aguerooooooo93:20]

 

[NatalieM008]

During the 2nd half of the Champions League Final Alex Ferguson remonstrated with the 4th official to introduce a ball. Confused the official told Alex that there was already one on the pitch to which Ferguson replied,'I know but Barcelona are using that one!'

I love this one

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]