andyhinch
Well-Known Member
David........... Moyes?
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Bath night in Scotland.
A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.
The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was generously endowed in the hair department.....very generously indeed.
The girl finished her bath and went to bed.
Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Well, did you see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours?"
"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't."
A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.
The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was generously endowed in the hair department.....very generously indeed.
The girl finished her bath and went to bed.
Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Well, did you see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours?"
"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't."
hackneyslim
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 24 Jul 2008
- Messages
- 1,730
Ok, that's funny.
theinvisibleman
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 15 Apr 2009
- Messages
- 428
2sheikhs said:Bath night in Scotland.
A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.
The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was generously endowed in the hair department.....very generously indeed.
The girl finished her bath and went to bed.
Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Well, did you see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours?"
"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't."
I remember Wandering Walter, a well known Lancashire comedian telling that joke 30 years ago at a gentleman's evening in Stockport but it was a fishing club then!
jimharri
Moderator
There were two mates, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The bloke with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.
The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry Sir, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my guide dog."
The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."
The man at the door says, "Come on in."
The fella with the Chihuahua figures, "What the hell," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry mate, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my guide dog."
The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"
The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua??? The bastards gave me a Chihuahua?!"
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The bloke with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.
The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry Sir, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my guide dog."
The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."
The man at the door says, "Come on in."
The fella with the Chihuahua figures, "What the hell," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry mate, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my guide dog."
The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"
The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua??? The bastards gave me a Chihuahua?!"
TravisBickle
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 6 Mar 2009
- Messages
- 3,738
A little boy catches his mum bouncing up and down on top of his father, the boy asks what they're doing? Mum replies 'dads got a big belly so I get on top and try to flatten it' The boy replies 'your wasting you're time because when you go shopping the lady next door gets down on her knees and blows it back up again!!'
Bought myself a new roll-on deodorant today. The instructions said 'take off top and push up bottom'
Five fucking hours I spent in casualty!
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...
'Oi, what's your disabllity?'
I said 'Tourette's! Now fuck off ****!!'
Bought myself a new roll-on deodorant today. The instructions said 'take off top and push up bottom'
Five fucking hours I spent in casualty!
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...
'Oi, what's your disabllity?'
I said 'Tourette's! Now fuck off ****!!'