slicky202
Well-Known Member
mrcunny said:
shit but tickled me
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
shit but tickled me
I saw my dwarf neighbour standing at the bus stop today, so I stopped and said "jump in, I'll take you home". "Fuck off ya prick!" he replied. I said "fine, suit yourself you ungrateful little bastard!".. . . . . . . So I zipped up my rucksack and kept on walking !
moonshiner
Well-Known Member
Pretty interesting--I did know this.
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO A LOT OF YOU,
BUT THERE ARE MORE CHURCHES THAN CASINOS IN LAS VEGAS
NOT SURPRISINGLY,SOME WORSHIPPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED
SINCE THEY GET THEIR CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS,
THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERYFOR SORTING,AND THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY CHIP MONKS.
Oh I'm sorry,you did'nt see it coming,did you?
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO A LOT OF YOU,
BUT THERE ARE MORE CHURCHES THAN CASINOS IN LAS VEGAS
NOT SURPRISINGLY,SOME WORSHIPPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED
SINCE THEY GET THEIR CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS,
THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERYFOR SORTING,AND THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY CHIP MONKS.
Oh I'm sorry,you did'nt see it coming,did you?
jimharri
Moderator
This guy walks into a bar and sees a man sitting having a pint with a chimpanzee.
After a while the guy sparks up a conversation with him and asks him about the chimp.
The man goes on to say that the chimp gives the greatest blow jobs he has ever had but he has to sell the primate and asks the guy if he is interested ?
The guy asks how much is he selling the chimp for and is told two thousand euros.
The guy says he is interested but can he have a demonstration as it's a lot of money ?
The man obliges so the chimp and the guy disappear to the toilets for quarter of an hour.
The guy comes out beaming and runs to the cashpoint and buys the chimp off the man.
After a few more pints, the guy takes the chimp home and shows off his new purchase to his wife.
She asks him ''what the hell am I supposed to do with this monkey'' ?
The man replies 'teach it to cook, then fuck off'.
After a while the guy sparks up a conversation with him and asks him about the chimp.
The man goes on to say that the chimp gives the greatest blow jobs he has ever had but he has to sell the primate and asks the guy if he is interested ?
The guy asks how much is he selling the chimp for and is told two thousand euros.
The guy says he is interested but can he have a demonstration as it's a lot of money ?
The man obliges so the chimp and the guy disappear to the toilets for quarter of an hour.
The guy comes out beaming and runs to the cashpoint and buys the chimp off the man.
After a few more pints, the guy takes the chimp home and shows off his new purchase to his wife.
She asks him ''what the hell am I supposed to do with this monkey'' ?
The man replies 'teach it to cook, then fuck off'.
moonshiner
Well-Known Member
A 75-year-old man goes to confession and tells the priest "Forgive me father for I have sinned. I had sex last night with two 20-year-old girls,and I had sex with each one three times"
The priest asks "How long has it been since your last confession?"
The man says "I have never been to confession,I'm Jewish"
"So why are you telling me?" asked the priest.
The man says"I'm telling everybody"
The priest asks "How long has it been since your last confession?"
The man says "I have never been to confession,I'm Jewish"
"So why are you telling me?" asked the priest.
The man says"I'm telling everybody"
Squelch
Well-Known Member
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?', asked one detective.
'With a golf gun.', the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What's a fecking golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
'How was he killed?', asked one detective.
'With a golf gun.', the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What's a fecking golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
Bluemoon115
Well-Known Member
Get out.Squelch said:Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?', asked one detective.
'With a golf gun.', the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What's a fecking golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
Oohvonkyvonky
Well-Known Member
Bluemoon115 said:Get out.Squelch said:Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?', asked one detective.
'With a golf gun.', the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What's a fecking golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
I agreed.
Oh and don't ever, ever come back.
charliebigspuds
Well-Known Member
Squelch said:Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?', asked one detective.
'With a golf gun.', the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What's a fecking golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
its that bloody scouse humour, I can just imagine Jimmy Tarbuck telling that
BlueHammer85
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 13 Oct 2010
- Messages
- 36,657
mrcunny said:I saw my dwarf neighbour standing at the bus stop today, so I stopped and said "jump in, I'll take you home". "Fuck off ya prick!" he replied. I said "fine, suit yourself you ungrateful little bastard!".. . . . . . . So I zipped up my rucksack and kept on walking !
Haha that's brilliant.