Joke thread

[sweynforkbeard]

Why did Lt Uhura smell so bad? Because William Shatner.


A Higgs Boson particle walks into a Catholic church and is confronted by the priest who says, 'You can't come in here, get out!' The Higgs Boson replies, 'I am coming in - you can't have mass without me.'

 

[foetus]

A blind man walks into a store with his 'seeing eye' dog.
All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manger runs up and demands, "WTF are you doing?????"
The blind man replies "just having a look around."

 

[nw42]

A blind man walks into a store with his 'seeing eye' dog.
All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manger runs up and demands, "WTF are you doing?????"
The blind man replies "just having a look around."

[bigimg]http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/6ufRWDXhN2o/hqdefault.jpg[/bigimg]

 

[idahoblues]

retired guy moves to a remote part of Virginia, after about six months of living in solitude he finally gets a visit from his neighbor
His neighbor says; I wanna invite you to a party at my place this weekend, y'up for it?
The guy says well what kinda party is it
well there's gonna be some drinkin
well it might be nice to have a drink or two, what else?
well there'll be some fuckin'
wow, that sounds fun I haven't had any in a long time, what else?
well there's gonna be some fightin'
ooh, I don't know, but I can normally talk my way out of that but all in all in sounds like fun, what should I wear?
His heighbour looks at him and says it don't matter, it's just gonna be you and me

 

[Anthony Kun]

My new girlfriend has just told me she doesn't want to move in with me - apparently I'm too kinky??













































































I nearly spat her piss out when she told me!

 

[hackneyslim]

My girlfriend says she`s leaving me bacuase of my obsession with Football Manager. In my defence, I`ve got Lahm, Kompany, Hummels and Alba.

Not funny

This is in fact a perfectly decent joke which follows acceptable formal lines, and reads rather well, too.

You, on the other hand, are rather a misery not only because of your opinion but also your expression of it. One is unfortunate, the unnecessary, and you, sir, are both.

 

[2bluegp]

This Rooney hating has gone too far!
I'm outside the swamp & there's a guy burning small effigies of Rooney & selling them to fans!


Oh hang on... sorry!

Its a baked potato stand....

 

[Bluesince1979]

What's got two eyes and stinks?














Brinnington :)

 

[idahoblues]

did you hear about the suicidal seal?


walked into a bar and asked for a Canadian club on the rocks

 

[Gelsons Dad]

The local ironmonger was looking for a home for his dog so I took it off his hands.
When I got it home it made a bolt for the gate!