kawkav
Well-Known Member
mammutly said:
nor is Jesus
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
nor is Jesus
BlueMo'
Well-Known Member
kawkav said:johnmc said:Alan_Is_A_Blue said:And it was at this time during the darkest days of Christianity , that as he was nailed to the cross and raised up for all to gaze upon his tortured and twisted body , Jesus looked down wearily at his 12 Apostles and speaking softly with his last gasping breath , said unto them...Don't you touch my fcking eggs you bastards, I'll be back on Monday !!
He rose again on the Sunday
he was busy shagging Marry on sunday , couldn't get back t eggs 'til monday
Very sad.
Italian Manc
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 4 Feb 2010
- Messages
- 528
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Cook it til it's Bill Withers.
Cook it til it's Bill Withers.
Tricky Dickys Right Foot Shot
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 1 Dec 2008
- Messages
- 10,553
BlueMo' said:kawkav said:johnmc said:He rose again on the Sunday
he was busy shagging Marry on sunday , couldn't get back t eggs 'til monday
Very sad.
Don't be fella, it's not a true story anyway!
Bluemoon dan
Well-Known Member
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now departed Prince, she happily sat in her rocking chair watching the world go by with her cat Marcus.
One afternoon, out of nowhere appeared her Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after
all these years?"
The Fairy Godmother replied, "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to
grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was overjoyed. "I wish I was extremely wealthy", she said. Instantly, her rocking chair turned into solid gold.Marcus, her cat, jumped off her lap and ran to the edge of the porch quivering with fear.
"Oh thank you Fairy Godmother," said Cinderella.
"Is there anything else you might wish for", asked the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I was young and full of the beauty I once had." At once, her wish was granted. Cinderella felt feeling inside her that she had not felt for years.
The Fairy Godmother said, "you have one wish remaining, what shall you have?"
Cinderella looked at her frightened cat in the corner and said, "I wish you to turn Marcus, my old cat, into a handsome young man."
Magically Marcus, suddenly underwent a change, and then before them stood a young man with the looks and body that no other man could
match.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke "Congratulations Cinderella.
Enjoy your new life." and with that she was gone.
For a few eerie moments, Cinderella and Marcus looked into each
other's eyes.
Cinderella sat breathless, gazing at the most stunning perfect man
she had ever seen.
Then Marcus walked over to Cinderella and held her close in his muscular arms.
He leant in close to her ear and whispered in a warm breath:
"Bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don't you?"
One afternoon, out of nowhere appeared her Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after
all these years?"
The Fairy Godmother replied, "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to
grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was overjoyed. "I wish I was extremely wealthy", she said. Instantly, her rocking chair turned into solid gold.Marcus, her cat, jumped off her lap and ran to the edge of the porch quivering with fear.
"Oh thank you Fairy Godmother," said Cinderella.
"Is there anything else you might wish for", asked the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I was young and full of the beauty I once had." At once, her wish was granted. Cinderella felt feeling inside her that she had not felt for years.
The Fairy Godmother said, "you have one wish remaining, what shall you have?"
Cinderella looked at her frightened cat in the corner and said, "I wish you to turn Marcus, my old cat, into a handsome young man."
Magically Marcus, suddenly underwent a change, and then before them stood a young man with the looks and body that no other man could
match.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke "Congratulations Cinderella.
Enjoy your new life." and with that she was gone.
For a few eerie moments, Cinderella and Marcus looked into each
other's eyes.
Cinderella sat breathless, gazing at the most stunning perfect man
she had ever seen.
Then Marcus walked over to Cinderella and held her close in his muscular arms.
He leant in close to her ear and whispered in a warm breath:
"Bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don't you?"
blueunit
Well-Known Member
TWO PRAWNS.
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns were swimming around in the sea
One called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn;
I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold,
He found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
'Where's Christian?' he asked.
'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark',
Came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'
Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy,
And I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'
Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'.........
(You're going to love this..............................)
. . . . . . .
. . . . . . . .
.
'I've found Cod. And now I'm a Prawn again Christian'
SORRY ABOUT THAT!!
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns were swimming around in the sea
One called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn;
I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold,
He found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
'Where's Christian?' he asked.
'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark',
Came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'
Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy,
And I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'
Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'.........
(You're going to love this..............................)
. . . . . . .
. . . . . . . .
.
'I've found Cod. And now I'm a Prawn again Christian'
SORRY ABOUT THAT!!
JoeMercer'sWay
Well-Known Member
blueunit said:TWO PRAWNS.
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns were swimming around in the sea
One called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn;
I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold,
He found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
'Where's Christian?' he asked.
'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark',
Came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'
Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy,
And I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'
Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'.........
(You're going to love this..............................)
. . . . . . .
. . . . . . . .
.
'I've found Cod. And now I'm a Prawn again Christian'
SORRY ABOUT THAT!!
don't even bother with your coat.
kashmir
Well-Known Member
blueunit said:TWO PRAWNS.
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns were swimming around in the sea
One called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn;
I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold,
He found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
'Where's Christian?' he asked.
'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark',
Came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'
Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy,
And I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'
Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'.........
(You're going to love this..............................)
. . . . . . .
. . . . . . . .
.
'I've found Cod. And now I'm a Prawn again Christian'
SORRY ABOUT THAT!!
Keeping on the seafood theme
2 crabs and there son pincher walking along the beach
The son was eating some tasty snack
Dad crab asks to have a bit of his sons tasty snack
His son refuses telling him to get his own
To which his father replies
Son you're shellfish
I've already got my coat
Sticking with the fishy theme
Little tommy goes to the kitchen and says "mummy, mummy. Grandma has a prawn in the front room"
"What are you talking about tommy?" Replies the mother. She decides to take a look so takes a peek through the door to find the grandma furiously masturbating.
"Tommy" says the mother " that's not a prawn, that's a clitoris"
Tommy replies, "oh, well it certainly tasted like prawn."
Little tommy goes to the kitchen and says "mummy, mummy. Grandma has a prawn in the front room"
"What are you talking about tommy?" Replies the mother. She decides to take a look so takes a peek through the door to find the grandma furiously masturbating.
"Tommy" says the mother " that's not a prawn, that's a clitoris"
Tommy replies, "oh, well it certainly tasted like prawn."