foetus
Well-Known Member
blueunit said:
I actually did laugh tbh
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
I actually did laugh tbh
jimharri
Moderator
So; Monty Panesar's been pissing on bouncers. I suppose it's one way of dealing with the short-pitched delivery!
M
M
manchester blue
Guest
JoeMercer'sWay said:
LOL. As that joke was fairly long I read the punchline first and decided I couldn't be arsed reading the whole joke. I might come back to it at weekend after a load of beer :)
mscenterh750
Well-Known Member
What's the biggest drawback in the jungle?
An elephants foreskin.
A man goes to the drs, "doctor doctor I feel like a pack of cards".
Doctor "wait there I'll deal with you later".
:-D
An elephants foreskin.
A man goes to the drs, "doctor doctor I feel like a pack of cards".
Doctor "wait there I'll deal with you later".
:-D
blueunit
Well-Known Member
manchester blue said:
I wouldn't bother mate lol
foetus
Well-Known Member
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well', he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift..'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon'
why thank you
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well', he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift..'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon'
why thank you
jimbopm
Well-Known Member
A purple man woke up from his purple bed, put on his purple clothes and ate his purple toast for breakfast. After eating his purple toast, the purple man decided to put his purple clothes on and he grabbed his purple rifle for the purple man decided to go hunting in the purple forest.
The purple man opened his purple door and set out down the purple road with his purple rifle on the way to the purple forest. As he approached the purple forest the purple man missed a purple sign that warned the purple man that hunting was now banned in the purple forest.
Nevertheless the purple man continued into the purple forest with his purple rifle and soon enough he spotted a purple rabbit crouching in front of one of the purple trees. The purple man took aim with his purple rifle and shot the purple rabbit and killed it. As he approached the purple rabbit, the purple man was apprehended by a purple guard who immediately arrested him, put him in purple handcuffs and drove him in his purple car to the purple police station.
When he got there the purple guard explained to the purple policeman that the purple man hand been hunting in the purple forest and had shot a purple rabbit in the purple forest. The purple policeman told the purple man that he would need to spend a night in the purple cells for his crime.
The purple man was escorted down the purple corridors of the purple police station by the purple police officer to his purple cell. The purple police officer turned to the purple man and said.....
"This is where you'll be staying tonight, so Indigo"
Thankyou and Goodnight!
The purple man opened his purple door and set out down the purple road with his purple rifle on the way to the purple forest. As he approached the purple forest the purple man missed a purple sign that warned the purple man that hunting was now banned in the purple forest.
Nevertheless the purple man continued into the purple forest with his purple rifle and soon enough he spotted a purple rabbit crouching in front of one of the purple trees. The purple man took aim with his purple rifle and shot the purple rabbit and killed it. As he approached the purple rabbit, the purple man was apprehended by a purple guard who immediately arrested him, put him in purple handcuffs and drove him in his purple car to the purple police station.
When he got there the purple guard explained to the purple policeman that the purple man hand been hunting in the purple forest and had shot a purple rabbit in the purple forest. The purple policeman told the purple man that he would need to spend a night in the purple cells for his crime.
The purple man was escorted down the purple corridors of the purple police station by the purple police officer to his purple cell. The purple police officer turned to the purple man and said.....
"This is where you'll be staying tonight, so Indigo"
Thankyou and Goodnight!
jimbopm
Well-Known Member
Stato said:
YES! I win something at last!