Joke thread

She was standing in the kitchen
Preparing to boil eggs for breakfast,
wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in almost awake,
She turned and said softly,
'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'
My eyes lit up and I thought,
'I am either still dreaming or
this is going to be my lucky day.'
Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then gave it my all;
right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said,
'Thanks,'
and returned to the stove, her 'T' shirt
still around her neck.
A little puzzled, I asked,
'What was that all about?'
She explained. .
'The egg timer is broken'
 
A midget clairvoyant has escaped after a incident in a supermarket.

Police are now saying there is a small medium at large<br /><br />-- Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:32 am --<br /><br />I was blessed with a nine and three quarter inch penis.
..
Unfortunately it belonged to our parish priest, Father O'Malley!
 
phil-jones-england.ashx
 
citykev28 said:
Carstairs said:
bennyblue said:
((((RING))))

**Pick Up**

(little girl) "Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mummy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul"

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul"

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"

Brief Pause

"Uh,
okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the
table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mummy
that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"

"Okay Daddy, just a minute"

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy"

"And what happened honey?" he asked

"Well,
Mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the
dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul ?"

"He
jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he
jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess
he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He
hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause**

Then Daddy says, "What swimming pool??... Is this 486-5731??"

Why would he dial his own home number incorrectly?

It just doesn't add up.

Wouldn't the *** Long Pause *** followed by the *** Longer Pause *** just be referred to as a *** Really Long Pause ***? This just doesn't add up.
If the door was closed to knock onto it, then how did the daughter know they didnt have clothes on? This just doesn't add up!
 
ashytheblue said:
citykev28 said:
Carstairs said:
Why would he dial his own home number incorrectly?

It just doesn't add up.

Wouldn't the *** Long Pause *** followed by the *** Longer Pause *** just be referred to as a *** Really Long Pause ***? This just doesn't add up.
If the door was closed to knock onto it, then how did the daughter know they didnt have clothes on? This just doesn't add up!










7-5=3... This doesn't add up either
 
mad4city said:
ashytheblue said:
citykev28 said:
Wouldn't the *** Long Pause *** followed by the *** Longer Pause *** just be referred to as a *** Really Long Pause ***? This just doesn't add up.
If the door was closed to knock onto it, then how did the daughter know they didnt have clothes on? This just doesn't add up!










7-5=3... This doesn't add up either

+1
 
mad4city said:
7-5=3... This doesn't add up either
It could do though!

If the "7" is actually 7.4 rounded to the nearest integer and the "5" is 4.6 rounded to the nearest integer then the difference is 2.8 which when rounded to the nearest integer gives 3.

This riveting information brought to you by someone who occasionally forgets to correctly format cells in Excel.
 

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