Joke thread

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son . . .
'Go get your Mother'
 
Chinese takeaway £14

Petrol to pick it up £2

Getting home and realising the twats have forgotten one of your containers:

Rice less
 
Now that I'm retired people often ask me what I do so I tell them I'm my wife's sexual advisor.

This often causes a look of bemusement.

I explain she told me that when she wants my fucking advice she'll ask for it.
 
Paddy in court pleads guilty after an eight day trial.judge says " why didn't you plead guilty at the start of the trial and save everyone 8 wasted days " paddy says " I thought I was innocent till I heard all the evidence "
 
A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs.
"It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they
magically appear back in my pocket again."
"Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed.
I said, "I'll prove it to you if you want me to!"
"Go on then." he smiled, handing me the bag.
After flushing them, he looked at me and said, "Well, show me your pocket then."
"What for?" I asked....He said, "The drugs."
I said, "What drugs?" .
 

Don't have an account? Register now and see fewer ads!

SIGN UP
Back
Top
  AdBlock Detected
Bluemoon relies on advertising to pay our hosting fees. Please support the site by disabling your ad blocking software to help keep the forum sustainable. Thanks.