Squelch
Well-Known Member
December 1st. I hope no-one gives me an advent calendar - their days are numbered.
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
JoeMercer'sWay
Well-Known Member
Today I managed to hula hoop using my penis.
My only surprise was the female postie went cock-a-hoop about my achievement.
My only surprise was the female postie went cock-a-hoop about my achievement.
Malcontent
Well-Known Member
Squelch said:December 1st. I hope no-one gives me an advent calendar - their days are numbered.
Sounds like one of Milton's!
Tuearts right boot
Well-Known Member
How does a gynecologist wallpaper his post ladys hallway.?
Through her letterbox.
Through her letterbox.
mrcunny said:I've learnt a valuable lesson from the recent Glasgow helicopter crash... Pigs can't fly!
Well since you mention it,
Police in Glasgow have arrested a drunken man who climbed onto a pub roof to write the words "Happy St. Andrews Day" in white paint.
Luckily they were able to stop him before he'd got any further than the "H"
nw42 said:mrcunny said:I've learnt a valuable lesson from the recent Glasgow helicopter crash... Pigs can't fly!
Well since you mention it,
Police in Glasgow have arrested a drunken man who climbed onto a pub roof to write the words "Happy St. Andrews Day" in white paint.
Luckily they were able to stop him before he'd got any further than the "H"
You sick bastard..:-)
foetus
Well-Known Member
While waiting at a bus stop for a bus, a woman stepped onto a weight machine that told your fortune and weight for a quarter. She put a quarter in, and out came a card that read, "Your age is 32, You weigh 135 lbs., and you play the fiddle." She found the fortune amusing, since she didn't play the fiddle, but it did have her age correct. About that time, an old gentleman walked up carrying a fiddle. She asked him if she could see his fiddle. He agreed, and to their amazement, she started playing the fiddle with great natural skill.
She wondered if the fortune machine had actually known something about her that she didn't. She thought about it, and decided to try the weight machine again. She put another quarter in the machine, and out comes the card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you have gastritis." She found this one to be absurd, as she was in perfect health, so she goes back to the bus-stop to wait for her bus. While sitting there, she develops abdominal pains that continue to get worse until all of a sudden she farts.
She wondered about the fortune, and again was curious if the machine was capable of knowing stuff about her that she didn't know. She puts another quarter in the machine, and out comes a card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you are about to have sex." She laughed out loud, as she had been trying to find a decent guy to screw for weeks, with no luck. She is sitting there waiting for the bus,when this attractive young man sits down and immediately their eyes locked, and they both knew that they were right for each other. They quickly ducked down an alley and began to screw like two teenagers.
The woman was so simply amazed at the ability of the machine, that she had to try it one more time. She stood on the machine, put her last quarter in, and out came a card that read: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs.,you've fiddled, you've farted, you've screwed around, and now you've missed your bus."
She wondered if the fortune machine had actually known something about her that she didn't. She thought about it, and decided to try the weight machine again. She put another quarter in the machine, and out comes the card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you have gastritis." She found this one to be absurd, as she was in perfect health, so she goes back to the bus-stop to wait for her bus. While sitting there, she develops abdominal pains that continue to get worse until all of a sudden she farts.
She wondered about the fortune, and again was curious if the machine was capable of knowing stuff about her that she didn't know. She puts another quarter in the machine, and out comes a card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you are about to have sex." She laughed out loud, as she had been trying to find a decent guy to screw for weeks, with no luck. She is sitting there waiting for the bus,when this attractive young man sits down and immediately their eyes locked, and they both knew that they were right for each other. They quickly ducked down an alley and began to screw like two teenagers.
The woman was so simply amazed at the ability of the machine, that she had to try it one more time. She stood on the machine, put her last quarter in, and out came a card that read: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs.,you've fiddled, you've farted, you've screwed around, and now you've missed your bus."
johnmc
Well-Known Member
Ha ha haaaa no way man. She missed her bus!!!! After all that she missed her bus.
BimboBob
Well-Known Member
johnmc said:Ha ha haaaa no way man. She missed her bus!!!! After all that she missed her bus.
How did she get home? I can't believe that there isn't a follow up story to this, you just can't leave a woman on her own in an American city with no money for a bus.