Bob and Fred were in the pub one evening enjoying an after work pint and a chat when they spot a male stranger walk in and approach the bar. From their table, a short distance away, they can see that the man is very ‘well-to-do’ indeed. Top end suit, shirt and shoes, expensive looking watch and brimming with the look of wealth and success. Bob nods in the direction of the stranger and says to his friend, “Just look at him … hes obviously loaded. I wonder what he does for a living.” Fred says, ‘I’ll tell you what, I’ll go and get us another drink and I’ll ask him.”
Fred orders his drinks and while hes waiting he remarks to the stranger, “My friend and I couldn’t help noticing that you are obviously doing OK in life and we wondered what it is that you do for a living”
The guy smiles politely and says, “I’m a Logical Scientist”
“A Logical Scientist …? What’s all that about, then? asks Fred.
“Well I’ll demonstrate it to you if you have a moment”, the guy offers helpfully.
“Sure. Yes, thanks”, says Fred.
“Ok”, the scientist begins … “Tell me, do you have a goldfish?”
“Errrrmm … yes I do as a matter of fact”, Replies Fred.
“And do you keep that goldfish in a bowl indoors or in a pond outside?”
“Its in the pond in my garden”
“OK. So logical science tells me that if you have a pond then your garden must be of a reasonable size.”
“Its a fair-sized garden, yes”, confirms Fred.
“And if you have a big garden, its logical to deduce that you have a pretty big house”.
“Well yes … quite big. Six bedrooms. Plenty of space”.
“So”, the scientist continues, “logic tells me that if you have a big house then you will also have a big family.”
Fred beams proudly, “Yes I have a lovely wife and five beautiful children.”
“Then logical science tells me that if you have a big family, you will have a very satisfying sex life.”
Fred grins again and confirms that it is indeed very satisfying.
“And if you have a good sex life, I can scientifically and logically deduce that you don’t masturbate very often.”
Fred shuffles his feet a little and says, “Well no … hardly ever … I don’t need to.”
“Well there you go then,” says the stranger. “That's logical science. You told me you had a goldfish and from that I’ve managed to tell you about your home, your family and your sex life!”
Fred is very impressed. “Wow yes, That's pretty amazing really. Thanks. Good talking to you.”
He collects his drinks and returns to the table where Bob is waiting.
“I saw you chatting to him. Did you ask him what he did for a living?,” asks Bob
“Yes I did. He’s a Logical Scientist as it turns out.”
Bob looks a little confused and asks, “A Logical Scientist? What’s all that about then?”
“Well, I’ll demonstrate it to you”, says Fred. “Tell me, do you have a goldfish?”
Bob screws his face up a little and says, “Ummmm, no.”
“Well then … You’re a wanker!”
