Joke thread

[samharris]

How to get the forum a bad name - well done.
There's so many other things you can take the piss or joke about with the rags - why do you have to bring that up again?

and well done you for completely missing the point of the joke. It's mocking their current malaise and not the air crash.

I have to agree with Stony although I don't find it particularly funny.

Maybe we should stop posting 'Titanic' pics when someone posts old news..

Those who are offended shouldnt be on a joke thread..especially with City's gallows humour.

 

[r.soleofsalford]

Its a 'joke' that requires a reference to the Munich crash to make it funny - and that's ok is it?

I'd have though that any joke that involved that incident in any way, shape or form was in bad taste.

Would like to see how Bluemoon reacted to a copied and pasted 'joke' from rag cafe that involved MVF.

Jesus christ. Go and change your undies and have a lie down. Are you really that offended?! It was a joke, not a good one i know, but it was just a joke.

A lot of people would find it distasteful. And it's not funny.

Anyway, back on topic




sexist and demeaning to women.



My girlfriend just caught me blow drying my penis. She said "what are you doing?!". Apparently "warming up your dinner" was not a good answer.

 

[CTID1988]

Its a 'joke' that requires a reference to the Munich crash to make it funny - and that's ok is it?

I'd have though that any joke that involved that incident in any way, shape or form was in bad taste.

Would like to see how Bluemoon reacted to a copied and pasted 'joke' from rag cafe that involved MVF.

Jesus christ. Go and change your undies and have a lie down. Are you really that offended?! It was a joke, not a good one i know, but it was just a joke.

A lot of people would find it distasteful. And it's not funny.

Anyway, back on topic

My girlfriend just caught me blow drying my penis. She said "what are you doing?!". Apparently "warming up your dinner" was not a good answer.

I find that jokes sexist, distasteful and it goes against every rule you are taught in food preparation. Warming up dinner with a hairdryer? Asking for salmonella

 

[mammutly]

Jesus christ. Go and change your undies and have a lie down. Are you really that offended?! It was a joke, not a good one i know, but it was just a joke.

A lot of people would find it distasteful. And it's not funny.

Anyway, back on topic

My girlfriend just caught me blow drying my penis. She said "what are you doing?!". Apparently "warming up your dinner" was not a good answer.

You said "back on topic". When's this going to happen?

Ah Ha!

Here you go:

Noah went to see God to ask him for a new and improved 'ark'. "Ok Noah. I think it is time you had a new ark", God said. "Take a seat, tell me your ideas, and I'll start a design". "Well, firstly, I'd like it to have plenty of floors. Say, 5 or 6", Noah said. "Ok... 5 or 6 floors" "I'd also like some spaces on the floors as well, to keep things in."
"Right, spaces." And with this God starts drawing a few designs for Noah. "Would you like some extra animals in there?" God asked him. "Erm... Fish!" Noah replied. "Fish. Ok. What sort? Any in particular?"

"Carp, and plenty of them", Noah said. "You can't have enough carp" Anything else needed on top of the usual two of everything?" God asked. "No", said Noah, "Just as long as it's got loads of carp".

And they went through various items such as the colour, doors, windows, etc. Finally, between them both they'd come up with a design that they both agreed on. Sitting back in his chair admiring the new 'ark', God asked Noah, "So, what are you going to call it? Have you thought of anything?" "Well God. I thought I'd call it 'Noah's Multi-Story Carp Ark'

 

[jimharri]

I had a dog called Minton once. He ate all my shuttlecocks.......

......bad Minton!



*coat, hat, dark glasses, false beard and 'tache, car keys; check*

 

[mammutly]

I had a dog called Minton once. He ate all my shuttlecocks.......

......bad Minton!



*coat, hat, dark glasses, false beard and 'tache, car keys; check*

Two badminton players were standing at a bar, one said to the other: "You know, tennis players are such arseholes!" A man walked up to them and with a mad look on his face said: "I find that statement offensive!"

One of the badminton players replied: "Oh, you must be a tennis player."

"No" the man said: "I'm an arsehole!"

 

[Lavinda Past]

A lot of people would find it distasteful. And it's not funny.

Anyway, back on topic

My girlfriend just caught me blow drying my penis. She said "what are you doing?!". Apparently "warming up your dinner" was not a good answer.

You said "back on topic". When's this going to happen?

Ah Ha!

Here you go:

Noah went to see God to ask him for a new and improved 'ark'. "Ok Noah. I think it is time you had a new ark", God said. "Take a seat, tell me your ideas, and I'll start a design". "Well, firstly, I'd like it to have plenty of floors. Say, 5 or 6", Noah said. "Ok... 5 or 6 floors" "I'd also like some spaces on the floors as well, to keep things in."
"Right, spaces." And with this God starts drawing a few designs for Noah. "Would you like some extra animals in there?" God asked him. "Erm... Fish!" Noah replied. "Fish. Ok. What sort? Any in particular?"

"Carp, and plenty of them", Noah said. "You can't have enough carp" Anything else needed on top of the usual two of everything?" God asked. "No", said Noah, "Just as long as it's got loads of carp".

And they went through various items such as the colour, doors, windows, etc. Finally, between them both they'd come up with a design that they both agreed on. Sitting back in his chair admiring the new 'ark', God asked Noah, "So, what are you going to call it? Have you thought of anything?" "Well God. I thought I'd call it 'Noah's Multi-Story Carp Ark'

Oh dear... 'Mammutly's multi-story crap joke' - Better than that naughty one though.

 

[mammutly]

You said "back on topic". When's this going to happen?

Ah Ha!

Here you go:

Noah went to see God to ask him for a new and improved 'ark'. "Ok Noah. I think it is time you had a new ark", God said. "Take a seat, tell me your ideas, and I'll start a design". "Well, firstly, I'd like it to have plenty of floors. Say, 5 or 6", Noah said. "Ok... 5 or 6 floors" "I'd also like some spaces on the floors as well, to keep things in."
"Right, spaces." And with this God starts drawing a few designs for Noah. "Would you like some extra animals in there?" God asked him. "Erm... Fish!" Noah replied. "Fish. Ok. What sort? Any in particular?"

"Carp, and plenty of them", Noah said. "You can't have enough carp" Anything else needed on top of the usual two of everything?" God asked. "No", said Noah, "Just as long as it's got loads of carp".

And they went through various items such as the colour, doors, windows, etc. Finally, between them both they'd come up with a design that they both agreed on. Sitting back in his chair admiring the new 'ark', God asked Noah, "So, what are you going to call it? Have you thought of anything?" "Well God. I thought I'd call it 'Noah's Multi-Story Carp Ark'

Oh dear... 'Mammutly's multi-story crap joke' - Better than that naughty one though.

At least you spelled my name right, although it has no capital letter. I'm grateful for small mercies.

 

[kywc84]

Once there was a snail who was tired of being slow. He went out and bought a really fast sports car and had the dealer paint a big 'S' on each side of it.

Whenever someone saw him zooming past in his new car, they would say, "Hey, look at that S-car go!"

 

[jimharri]

Once there was a snail who was tired of being slow. He went out and bought a really fast sports car and had the dealer paint a big 'S' on each side of it.

Whenever someone saw him zooming past in his new car, they would say, "Hey, look at that S-car go!"

Trading Places is a fantastic film, one of my favourites.

;-)