Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

I saw a supermaket cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I taught my pet dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground today

He went from Barking to Tooting in about 15 minutes

 

[flook]

In Archaeology news, the Pythagorean Theorem has been found inscribed on a clay tablet a couple of hundred years older than Pythagoras himself.

We now know that not only did Pythagoras really know his geometry, but he also invented time travel.

OK someone is going to have to explain how to put someone on block. I mean a joke's a joke, and this isn't one on any planet in this solar system or any other. What were you even thinking???

 

[KS55]

In Archaeology news, the Pythagorean Theorem has been found inscribed on a clay tablet a couple of hundred years older than Pythagoras himself.

We now know that not only did Pythagoras really know his geometry, but he also invented time travel.

The speed on the hyperhighway is equal to the sum of the speeds on the other two rides.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I saw the manager oofour local Tesco drowning, so I hrew him a cork and shouted
"every little helps"

 

[Lavinda Past]

I bought a map so I could put a pin in all the places I visited, but I had to visit the places up in the top corners first or else my map would fall down.

 

[Lavinda Past]

To be frank, I'd have to change my name.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I looked up "opaque" in the dictionary, but the definition was not clear.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I tried calling the Tinnitus helpline, but it just keeps ringing.

 

[Big Swifty]

There was a young girl from Uttoxeter
So ugly the boys all threw roxeter
But now that she's twenty and showing them plenty
They're waving their balls and their coxeter.

There was a young lady from Leicester
Who said to the guy who caressed her
"If I were you, jack,
I'd try round the back
Cos the front is beginning to fester"