Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

Love this thread.

But Limericks are shite; someone start a separate thread for 'em.

 

[Lavinda Past]

The doctor put me on a 'no-lentil' diet recently.

It's made my life much more interesting...

There's never a dal moment.

 

[bennyboy]

Still got a chance.

 

[Blue Llama]

Bless.

It's very sad to see posters getting bitter and resorting to petty taunts. There are two or three saddos who slag me off on here who seem to think they're clever. They're not. They're pathetic.

I don't and won't criticise posters on this thread (other than in an honest / friendly manner.

Remember... It's a joke thread. No-one said the jokes have to be new, or funny.

:-)

The dictionary says hi.

noun​

1. something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement, as a witticism, a short and amusing anecdote, or a prankish act:
   He tells very funny jokes. She played a joke on him.
   Synonyms: raillery, sally, quirk, quip, prank, jape, gag, wisecrack

 

[Blue Llama]

At junior school, Jethro sat next to his best friend, Denzil Penberthy.

One day the teacher told the class that she wanted them to think very hard, and come up with a poem ending in Timbuktu.

After a couple of minutes, Susan put her hand up, and said, "Please miss, I have one".

The teacher told her to go ahead, and recite it.

"As I was walking on the sand,
I saw a ship not far from land.
It had a very handsome crew.
It’s destination Timbuktu."

Denzil immediately shouted, "She’s a smart shit!"

The teacher told Denzil he was very rude, and it was now his turn to recite a poem ending in Timbuktu.

Jethro told her, "I don’t think that’s a very good idea".

"Shut up, fat guts," said the teacher. "Your poem, please, Denzil".

"Tim and me went down to Kent,
And we saw three women in a tent
We couldn’t think of much to do.
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu."

Remember that one from top juniors 70 years ago.

 

[Vienna_70]

Remember that one from top juniors 70 years ago.

I might be an FOC - by Bluemoon standards - but, I’m not that old.

 

[Lavinda Past]

The dictionary says hi.

noun​

1. something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement, as a witticism, a short and amusing anecdote, or a prankish act:
   He tells very funny jokes. She played a joke on him.
   Synonyms: raillery, sally, quirk, quip, prank, jape, gag, wisecrack

Interesting... I post on this thread with s view to provoking laughter or cause amusement, ergo I (and many others) are effectively meeting the requirements laid out in that definition.

Some hit, some miss, some good, some bad, but it cannot be denied... other than posts responding to gripes etc, they are jokes.

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[flook]

Some hit, some miss, some good, some bad, but it cannot be denied... other than posts responding to gripes etc, they are jokes.

sorry Lavvy, the OED would disagree in 99% of those you post

 

[Lavinda Past]

I met a sex worker last year who said her ambition was to become an "avant-garde, post modern gardener".

She was the perfect example of a whore-to-culturist.