Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[Vienna_70]

I went to a new restaurant and when I sat down for dinner, the waiter said, “Would you like to hear today’s special?”

I said, “Yes please”

The waiter responded: "Today is special."

When I was a postman, if handed customers their mail (I only did that, if I knew them), and they said, "I hope it’s not bills," I’d reply, "No, Bill's just had his".

 

[Grassland Blue]

I went to the Doctor today with a suspicious-looking mole.

He said they all look that way and I should have left it in the garden.

I know a bloke who had a mole on his dick.....








The dirty b*st*rd!

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

When I was a postman, if handed customers their mail (I only did that, if I knew them), and they said, "I hope it’s not bills," I’d reply, "No, Bill's just had his".

Nothing wrong with being a postman, an honest job.
It’s better than walking the streets.

 

[mrcunny]

 

[BimboBob]

When I was a postman, if handed customers their mail (I only did that, if I knew them), and they said, "I hope it’s not bills," I’d reply, "No, Bill's just had his".

I used to say...who's bill.

 

[flook]

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar sitting behind the cross, but none give to the beggar sitting behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says: "Don't you understand? This is a Catholic country. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially if you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite!"

The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moshe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"

you see? you can do it if you really try

 

[Mid Wales blue]

I know a bloke who had a mole on his dick.....








The dirty b*st*rd!

I went to the Doctors with a huge mole on my dick,
The Doctor said, reception can you call the RSPCA and get the police here quickly.

Never again!

 

[kippaxneil]

My mate's Thai girlfriend told him that a small penis shouldn't spoil their sex life. He said she may be right, but he'd prefer it if she didn't have one.