And yet some boring people have a go at you. That's brilliant.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
cinnamon
Well-Known Member
I'm disappointed that Raheem Sterling didn't transfer to Old Trafford. It would have completed his inspirational riches to rags story.
Last edited:
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Billy’s father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. I told him that it was taped under the modem.
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right?” t-a-p-e-d-u-n-d-e-r-t-h-e-m-o-d-e-m
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right?” t-a-p-e-d-u-n-d-e-r-t-h-e-m-o-d-e-m
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A 7 year old and a 4 year old are in their bedroom. "You know what, I think it's time we started swearing" said the 7 year old.
"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first, then you."
"Sure." replied the 4 year old.
They make their way downstairs and their mum asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.
"I'll have frosties, woman"
WHACK, he flew out of his chair crying his eyes out. Mum looks at the 4 year old and says sternly "And what do you want?"
"I don't know, but it won't be fucking frosties"
"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first, then you."
"Sure." replied the 4 year old.
They make their way downstairs and their mum asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.
"I'll have frosties, woman"
WHACK, he flew out of his chair crying his eyes out. Mum looks at the 4 year old and says sternly "And what do you want?"
"I don't know, but it won't be fucking frosties"
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I've opened three birthday cards and I'm already £150 up
I love being a postman!
I love being a postman!
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Hotel receptionist: Sorry sir, we have no rooms left.
Man: But my name is improvement
HR: So what?
Man: There’s always room for improvement
Man: But my name is improvement
HR: So what?
Man: There’s always room for improvement
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
TOP TIP:
Save yourself the hassle and expense of getting Oasis tickets by simply standing at the end of your back garden, covering yourself in beer and piss, and playing Beatles songs through your bedroom window.
Save yourself the hassle and expense of getting Oasis tickets by simply standing at the end of your back garden, covering yourself in beer and piss, and playing Beatles songs through your bedroom window.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
When in a Glasgow restaurant, I ordered sausage, gravy, and mash.
I couldn't help noticing the sausage tasted odd... I was getting hints of Buckfast, cigarette ends, heroin, failure, and deep-fried Mars bars.
I asked the waiter, 'What kind of sausage is this?'
He replied, 'Oh, that's our Cumbernauld Sausage.'
I couldn't help noticing the sausage tasted odd... I was getting hints of Buckfast, cigarette ends, heroin, failure, and deep-fried Mars bars.
I asked the waiter, 'What kind of sausage is this?'
He replied, 'Oh, that's our Cumbernauld Sausage.'