Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Mozart was walking down the street when s man called after him, "Wolfgang! Wolfgang!"
But it was too late... he was attacked by a gang of wolves.
But it was too late... he was attacked by a gang of wolves.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A businessman met an attractive young woman in the hotel bar and after a nice conversation asked if she would like to join him in his room for a nightcap. “Sure,” she said, “it would be my pleasure.”
Once there, and after a few drinks, she sidled up to him and asked, “Would you like to hug me.” “Yes,” he said, and they embraced each other. Then she asked, “Would like to kiss me?” “Sure,” he said, and they enjoyed a long, sensual kiss.
“OK, honey,” she continued, “brace yourself- because here comes the three hundred dollar question...”
Once there, and after a few drinks, she sidled up to him and asked, “Would you like to hug me.” “Yes,” he said, and they embraced each other. Then she asked, “Would like to kiss me?” “Sure,” he said, and they enjoyed a long, sensual kiss.
“OK, honey,” she continued, “brace yourself- because here comes the three hundred dollar question...”
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Chris and his wife Julie were going through financial crisis, so Chris suggested Julie to become a hooker.
Julie was not sure how to start that, so Chris said, "Stand near that pillar and pick up a guy. Tell him your rate is £200. If you get any problems, I'll be parked around the corner".
Within couple of minutes a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?"
"£200"
"Oh, I have only £120"
"Hold on"... Julie runs back to Chris.
"What can he have for £120...?"
"A handjob" Chris says.
Julie runs back and tells the guys he will get a handjob in £120. The guy agrees. She gets in the car, he unzips his pants and she sees he has the biggest cock ever.
She stares at it for a minute and says, "Hold on, I will be right back".
She runs back to her husband and says, "Chris can you lend him £80....?"
Julie was not sure how to start that, so Chris said, "Stand near that pillar and pick up a guy. Tell him your rate is £200. If you get any problems, I'll be parked around the corner".
Within couple of minutes a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?"
"£200"
"Oh, I have only £120"
"Hold on"... Julie runs back to Chris.
"What can he have for £120...?"
"A handjob" Chris says.
Julie runs back and tells the guys he will get a handjob in £120. The guy agrees. She gets in the car, he unzips his pants and she sees he has the biggest cock ever.
She stares at it for a minute and says, "Hold on, I will be right back".
She runs back to her husband and says, "Chris can you lend him £80....?"
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Despite his unkempt and grungy looks, Kurt Cobain was a focused and organized individual.
Of course, later in life he was a bit scatterbrained.
Of course, later in life he was a bit scatterbrained.
JRockBlues
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A 'TEACHER' teaching Maths to a six-year-old asked him, “If I give you one apple and one apple & one apple, how many apples will you have?”
With a few seconds the boy replied confidently, “Four!”
The dismayed teacher was expecting an effortless correct answer (three).
She was disappointed. “May be the child did not listen properly,” she thought.
She repeated, “pls listen carefully.
It is very simple. You will be able to do it right if you listen carefully.
If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?”
The boy had seen the disappointment on his teacher’s face.
He calculated again on his fingers.
But within him he was also searching for the answer that will make his teacher happy.
This time hesitatingly he replied, “Four...”
The disappointment stayed on teacher’s face.
She remembered that the boy loves strawberries.
She thought maybe he doesn’t like apples and that is making him lose focus.
This time with exaggerated excitement & twinkling eyes she asked ...
“If I give you one strawberry & one strawberry & one strawberry, then how many will you have?”
Seeing the teacher happy, the 'YOUNG' boy calculated on his fingers again.
There was no pressure on him, but a little on the teacher.
She wanted her new approach to succeed.
With a hesitating smile, the young boy replied, “Three?”
The teacher now had a victorious smile. Her approach had succeeded.
She wanted to congratulate herself.
But one last thing remained.
Once again she asked him, “Now if I give you one apple and one apple and one more apple how many will you have?”
Promptly the answer was “Four!”
The teacher was aghast.
“How.... tell me, How?” she demanded in a little stern and irritated voice.
In a voice that was low and hesitating young boy replied, “Because I already have one apple in my bag.”
With a few seconds the boy replied confidently, “Four!”
The dismayed teacher was expecting an effortless correct answer (three).
She was disappointed. “May be the child did not listen properly,” she thought.
She repeated, “pls listen carefully.
It is very simple. You will be able to do it right if you listen carefully.
If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?”
The boy had seen the disappointment on his teacher’s face.
He calculated again on his fingers.
But within him he was also searching for the answer that will make his teacher happy.
This time hesitatingly he replied, “Four...”
The disappointment stayed on teacher’s face.
She remembered that the boy loves strawberries.
She thought maybe he doesn’t like apples and that is making him lose focus.
This time with exaggerated excitement & twinkling eyes she asked ...
“If I give you one strawberry & one strawberry & one strawberry, then how many will you have?”
Seeing the teacher happy, the 'YOUNG' boy calculated on his fingers again.
There was no pressure on him, but a little on the teacher.
She wanted her new approach to succeed.
With a hesitating smile, the young boy replied, “Three?”
The teacher now had a victorious smile. Her approach had succeeded.
She wanted to congratulate herself.
But one last thing remained.
Once again she asked him, “Now if I give you one apple and one apple and one more apple how many will you have?”
Promptly the answer was “Four!”
The teacher was aghast.
“How.... tell me, How?” she demanded in a little stern and irritated voice.
In a voice that was low and hesitating young boy replied, “Because I already have one apple in my bag.”
