Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

A lumberjack walks into the company office to get paid.

The secretary says, “ I have your pay here for cutting down 236 trees this week.”

The lumberjack replies, “I actually cut down 237 trees.”

”Are you sure?”, says the secretary, “Your foreman counted 236 on the truck.”

“I’m sure,” replies the lumberjack. “I kept a log”.

 

[Lavinda Past]

A doctor develops a theory to determine how truthful patients are when asked about their sex life.

According to his theory, the wider the patient's smile is, the more frequently they have intercourse.

To put his theory into practice, he invites some of his patients into the practice.

He goes up to the first one, asks him a few questions and, seeing the smile, asks:

You're getting sex once a week, aren't you?

Yes, doctor!

He goes to the second one, the grin is wider, so he says:

You and your wife are having sex every two days.

Yes. It's amazing how you figured that out!

The doctor goes over to the guy at the end of the row tho is grinning from ear to ear.

Wow, you must have sex every day!

No, doctor.

Every two days?

No.

Monthly?

No.

Every year?

Yes, one night a year.

Then why are you grinning like that?

Because tonight is the NIGHT!

 

[Grassland Blue]

A doctor develops a theory to determine how truthful patients are when asked about their sex life.

According to his theory, the wider the patient's smile is, the more frequently they have intercourse.

To put his theory into practice, he invites some of his patients into the practice.

He goes up to the first one, asks him a few questions and, seeing the smile, asks:

You're getting sex once a week, aren't you?

Yes, doctor!

He goes to the second one, the grin is wider, so he says:

You and your wife are having sex every two days.

Yes. It's amazing how you figured that out!

The doctor goes over to the guy at the end of the row tho is grinning from ear to ear.

Wow, you must have sex every day!

No, doctor.

Every two days?

No.

Monthly?

No.

Every year?

Yes, one night a year.

Then why are you grinning like that?

Because tonight is the NIGHT!

The 3 ages of man

Tri weekly

Try weekly

Try weakly...

 

[Big Swifty]

The 3 ages of man

Tri weekly

Try weekly

Try weakly...

I first heard this in 1958

 

[Big Swifty]

Cmon Lav, surely you are going to follow it up with the bloke with his cock in some yellow liquid reading the Daily Mail and the "I am Fucking dis custard" punch line

Or even the man with his dick in a tin of biscuits who says "I'm fucking crackers"

 

[Grassland Blue]

I first heard this in 1958

You'll be in the 3rd stage then.....
Lol.

 

[kippaxneil]

Whoever said technology would replace all paper obviously hasn't tried wiping their arse with an iPad.

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Big Swifty]

You'll be in the 3rd stage then.....
Lol.

1958 is only 66 years ago. You don't know how old I was when I heard it..........

 

[Grassland Blue]

1958 is only 66 years ago. You don't know how old I was when I heard it..........

I was born in 1958 so I obvs didn't hear it then....
Haha.