Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

I have an empty school hall for sale.

Assembly required.

 

[Lavinda Past]

For Sale: Hot cakes.

Sorry sold out.

 

[Lavinda Past]

What do we want?”
“Anagrams!”
“What-ho! Wet, new mend?”
“Own!”

 

[Lavinda Past]

I remember my first blind date... my mate said "she's a lovely girl but I must tell you she's expecting a baby".

How silly did I look sitting there in a nappy all night?

 

[KS55]

A group of men have been convicted of stealing roof joists in South Wales.

The press have labeled them the Tenby eight.

I can’t slate that one.

 

[Dave Ewing's Back 'eader]

I like Bovril as a hot drink, and, at 62,I’m only considered a junior male of the FOC club.

I had a bad feeling before the Watford game. I was asked if I wanted milk in the Bovril!

 

[Vienna_70]

I had a bad feeling before the Watford game. I was asked if I wanted milk in the Bovril!

The youth of today, eh?

 

[lefty goldblatt]

I remember my first nine dates, when I started to see the present Mrs Goldblatt

It was eight meals out, and a trip to the cinema to see a superhero film.

So that's

Dinner
Dinner
Dinner
Dinner
Dinner
Dinner
Dinner
Dinner
Batman

 

[Lavinda Past]

I've just joined an amateur autopsy club.

I'm looking forward to open Mike night on Friday.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I saw the doctor today...

I explained I had an unfortunate rash round my privates, dropped my pants to show him, and asked if he could give me some cream for it..

He completely blanked me and just walked off pushing his trolley round Asda.