Joke thread

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Lavinda Past]

My son's school recently implemented a total ban on smartphones, to encourage pupils to learn social skills the old-fashioned way.

It seems to be working a treat.

Only yesterday him and his mates groped some first-year girls, and flushed a fat lad's head down the toilet.

 

[Lavinda Past]

When I was a kid, my dad made me walk the plank....

We couldn't afford a dog

 

[Lavinda Past]

Our window cleaner died. He was a very popular bloke, and some of the locals held a seance to try to contact him

They used a squeegee board.

 

[Lavinda Past]

A bloke goes into a florist and asks for some flowers for his new girlfriend.

‘Certainly sir, I’m sure we can help. Tell me, what exactly is it you’re after?’

'A shag’ says the bloke.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I went into the Police station today and saw a man with three stripes on his arm and a trifle on his head...

He was the custardy sergeant.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I bought a Dictionary at a car boot sale but when I got it home I found it was full of blank pages.

I couldn’t find the words to express my anger.

 

[Lavinda Past]

It really hurts me to say this, but I've got laryngitis.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I've got a job lot of 2025 school calendars for sale.

Ask about our terms.