Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

Drivers have been advised to avoid Liverpool city centre after a lorry carrying a large delivery of electrical goods shed its load.

Police expect the road to be closed for at least 3 minutes.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I've just read about a couple who advertised a laptop on Facebook Marketplace and a bloke turned up and conned them out of it with a fake banking app on his phone.

They said that not only had they lost £700, they also felt violated by him being in their home...




Anyway, does anyone want to buy a laptop?

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate met this new bird in the pub and they really hit it off.

He took her out clubbing the next day but he said she left immediately and he's not heard from her since. She's ignoring all his texts and phone calls


Bit harsh. He even said she could keep a few of the seals

 

[Uwe Already]

I was in a restaurant the other day with my missus and the waitress came to our table and started singing...

'You've done too much, much too young, now you're married with a son when you should be having fun with me'

Then she asked iwe were ready to order....

I said not yet... can i hear the Specials again please..

I went to a Chinese restaurant and ordered from the specials menu - they gave me too much foo young

 

[Lavinda Past]

A young woman was telling her friend that he had a developed a strange condition where she was having an orgasm whenever she sneezed.

"What are you taking for it," her friend asked.

"Black pepper."

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Lavinda Past]

King Charles arrives home following short visit to Turkey...