Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

I used to have an unhealthy obsession with plumbing parts but, after years of therapy, I finally got it out my cistern.

 

[Kinkybyname]

I used to have an unhealthy obsession with plumbing parts but, after years of therapy, I finally got it out my cistern.

was it driving u round the bend?

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate plucked up the courage to join Hypochondriacs Anonymous.

He said that the hardest part was standing up in front of everyone and admitting he don't have a problem.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I'm prepared to argue that more people should play the Double Bass.

There's a big case for it.

 

[Lavinda Past]

When we were kids, my brother always grabbed the lion's share of everything.

Eventually it lost patience and mauled him to death.

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate hurt himself going through a turnstyle in Thailand.

Bangkok?

No, his elbow.

 

[noblelord]

 

[Lavinda Past]

My girlfriend got attacked by a marsupial in a zoo in Malaysia.

"Kuala Lumpur?"

"No, a kangaroo kicked her up the arse".

 

[Lavinda Past]

My grandad always said, "live every day like it's your last."

Silly bugger wasted the last five years of his life lying in a coffin.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Better out than in my old grandad used to say.

Great bloke, shit tennis coach.