Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My old dad use to say "never go orienteering without a compass, you never know when you might need to draw a circle"
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Tuearts right boot
Well-Known Member
Evey now and then you come up with a pearler, unfortuantely non of the above fall into that category#Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak somewhere in this town.#
I'm no Sherlock Holmes but I think the jail might be a good shout.
As the patient recovers from laser eye surgery, the surgeon comes in and asks if he wants the good news or the bad news first.
The patient excitedly asks for the good news.
The surgeon says, well, you are about to get a new dog.
The patient excitedly asks for the good news.
The surgeon says, well, you are about to get a new dog.
“Alrnate” rule one when joining the grammar police ….I think you mean "alternative".
"Alternate" means every other, e.g. "I work on alrnate Saturdays", that is, every other Saturday.
Just thought you'd like to know.
citizen_maine
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 29 May 2011
- Messages
- 13,770
You do not talk about grammar police?“Alrnate” rule one when joining the grammar police ….
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
As we prepared to leave the restaurant, my date leaned across, kissed me, and said, "That was lovely... We should have dinner again."
"No thanks," I replied, "I'm full."
"No thanks," I replied, "I'm full."
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My wife said she wanted a serious chat with me about my obsession with sealing myself in padded envelopes.
I said, 'I'll be with you in a Jiffy!'
I said, 'I'll be with you in a Jiffy!'
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
For my first question on Mastermind, John Humphrys asked...
"William the Conquerer used many tactics to defeat Harold, what clever instruction did he give to his archers that finally won the battle?"
I answered.."Sorry John but I think there's been a mix-up, I asked for questions on Norman Wisdom."
"William the Conquerer used many tactics to defeat Harold, what clever instruction did he give to his archers that finally won the battle?"
I answered.."Sorry John but I think there's been a mix-up, I asked for questions on Norman Wisdom."
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My mate recently started a new building job in Melbourne. As he was emptying some rubble into the waste container, he noticed a large fuzzy haired marsupial bouncing about in it.
When he told his boss about it, he said "Don't worry mate... that's just Bushy the skip Kangaroo.
When he told his boss about it, he said "Don't worry mate... that's just Bushy the skip Kangaroo.
jimharri
Moderator
Me: Hi Doctor, I'm having trouble hearing with my left ear
Doc: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, I'm definite!
Doc: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, I'm definite!