Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

I joined a carpenter's class last week.

Haven't made anything yet....we've only just begun..

 

[Lavinda Past]

My last girlfriend left me due to my obsession with blankety blank.


What makes it worse is that she took all the
___________ with her.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I started crying today while mowing the lawn.

My wife saw me and asked if I was alright.

I told her I was just going through a rough patch.

 

[Lavinda Past]

As their plane took off, the pilot asked the new co-pilot, “Have you ever flown solo?”

Co-pilot: No, I usually fly much higher than this.

 

[Lavinda Past]

A man comes out of the bathroom and says to his wife..

I've just taken a dump that weighed a whole kilogram!

His wife replies "Did you stand on the scales before and after going to the to loo?"

The husband says: "Oh, I suppose I could have done it that way too."

 

[Lavinda Past]

My neighbour is completely paranoid. She thinks I'm stalking her.

She is worried that I may be obsessed with her. Any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait... petrified.

Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

As their plane took off, the pilot asked the new co-pilot, “Have you ever flown solo?”

Co-pilot: No, I usually fly much higher than this.

MY dad was in the RAF many many years ago and he thought that joke was funny then.

 

[Lavinda Past]

MY dad was in the RAF many many years ago and he thought that joke was funny then.

Good jokes never age :-)

 

[JASR]

Im sure I recognise a pair of these from this forum…

 

[Lavinda Past]

Im sure I recognise a pair of these from this forum…
View attachment 137176

This is supposed to be the joke thread... not JASR's personal wank bank.

:-)