Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I'm not one for blowing my own trumpet.
To be honest I'm starting to think it was a waste of money.
To be honest I'm starting to think it was a waste of money.
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Grassland Blue
Well-Known Member
Not many people know this but L.S.Lowry had a brother based in Egypt.
And he painted mummified men and mummified cats and dogs....
And he painted mummified men and mummified cats and dogs....
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I went round to my mate's houe yesterday and saw him through the window... He was squatting on the floor in the dark, staring at a small white plastic bottle, and chanting:
"Domine... Bacterium... Lactobacillus... Casei... Shirota"
I think he's been dabbling in the Yakult.
"Domine... Bacterium... Lactobacillus... Casei... Shirota"
I think he's been dabbling in the Yakult.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My granddad always used to say "Pick a card, any card."
He was the laziest employee Hallmark ever had.
He was the laziest employee Hallmark ever had.
Plays By Sense Of Smell
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 4 Sep 2011
- Messages
- 11,161
And one who daubed murals using feline excrement.Not many people know this but L.S.Lowry had a brother based in Egypt.
And he painted mummified men and mummified cats and dogs....
He painted catshit men and catshit cats and dogs...
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My dad always used to say "sometimes it's best to just let things go".
Lovely man
Useless trapeze artist.
Lovely man
Useless trapeze artist.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
How much does a cockney pay for hair shampoo?
Pantene.
Pantene.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My mate won second place in a Fidel Castro lookalike contest.
Close, but no cigar...
Close, but no cigar...
One fine sunny morning, the irish priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.
"What's wrong with you?" said the irish priest.
"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."
"Really!" said the irish priest. "Can you explain!"
"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."
"That's an incredible story." said the irish priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?."
"Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & Warmth and with a good nights sleep I would wake up a boy once again."
"Today's your lucky day!" said the irish priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The irish priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the irish priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old Choirboy beside him in bed,
"And that my lord is the case for the Defense....... "
"What's wrong with you?" said the irish priest.
"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."
"Really!" said the irish priest. "Can you explain!"
"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."
"That's an incredible story." said the irish priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?."
"Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & Warmth and with a good nights sleep I would wake up a boy once again."
"Today's your lucky day!" said the irish priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The irish priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the irish priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old Choirboy beside him in bed,
"And that my lord is the case for the Defense....... "