Dave Ewing's Back 'eader
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Yeah, but the election was stolen, Joe!
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Vienna_70
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You complain about @Lavinda Past's jokes, but fucking hell!
jimharri
Moderator
Not an original of mine (honest guv). Nicked from another forum.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Rush hour on the London Underground. ..a young lady says to a stranger: "Would you mind moving that bulky thing you've got in your trousers away from my backside?"
He replies: "It's not what you think! It's my salary in £50 notes rolled up in my pocket."
She: "You must be an excellent employee!"
He: "How do you know?"
She: "Because in the last two minutes i've already felt you getting three pay rises"
He replies: "It's not what you think! It's my salary in £50 notes rolled up in my pocket."
She: "You must be an excellent employee!"
He: "How do you know?"
She: "Because in the last two minutes i've already felt you getting three pay rises"
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
You read it in this very forum not long before you posted it.
I should know... I posted it.
;-)
jimharri
Moderator
I honestly didn't see it on here. For obvious reasons, I generally avoid the thread. Did you post it? That'd explain the poor quality then.
;-)
Actually; compared to most of Lavinda's offerings, it wasn't that bad.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A Cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink…
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."