Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

My neigbours wife said she will leave him if he continues with his obsession with sandpaper.

He's hoping to smooth things over

 

[Lavinda Past]

I took a gynaecology course once... when the lecturer asked did anybody want to volunteer to practise on the live model, I was first to put my hand up .

 

[Lavinda Past]

I wanted to be a chicken hypnotist but I failed the hen trance exam

 

[Lavinda Past]

Just managed to book a table for me and the missus on Christmas day.

Don't know why I bothered really... she's shit at snooker.

 

[Blue Mist]

Am I being whooshed or is that the joke , like the rest of us he’ll be having turkey ?

Whoosh

Read it in a Yawkhshure accent. :-)

 

[Lavinda Past]

Just £3 will pay for a food and water for a family of four in Somalia.

But don't let your heart rule your head...

Stella is 4 for £2.99 in Asda.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Just found out that Morrisons are giving away free mince pies to anyone who can run faster than their security guard

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate is a professional sleepwalker.

He's living the dream

 

[Lavinda Past]

I've just read a really good book about house construction.

It's by Bill Jerome-Holmes

 

[smeeagain]

These are all from Christmas crackers surely!