Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
LWashington
Well-Known Member
No idea, but the answers probably contains a load of u's.
Last edited:
Bigg Bigg Blue
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I read about an Eskimo who tried to light a fire for warmth on his boat, but it made it sink.
I guess you can't have your kayak and heat it.
I guess you can't have your kayak and heat it.
Big Swifty
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 8 Nov 2011
- Messages
- 4,376
Delivered by Frank Muir on panel game "My Word", circa 1964.
Happy 60th birthday, joke.
BLUE PEANUT
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 31 Jul 2009
- Messages
- 467
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
An old man goes to a Wizard to ask if he can remove a curse he has lived with for 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words used to put the curse on you.”
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words used to put the curse on you.”
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Some guys are hanging around the local boatyard having a beer at the end of a long day.
One of them is blind, and he's a carpenter. Someone asks how the hell a blind man can be a carpenter.
He says he has to do everything by feel. His buddy says he's amazing and does really nice work.
He tells them the guy can identify any type of wood just by smell. One guy says oh yeah, let's see about that and grabs a plank that was laying on the ground puts it on on the bench and asks the blind guy to have a go.
The blind guy doesn't even lean over and prompty says that easy that yellow pine. Ok let's try something harder, they grab another board and put it down, he runs his nose up and down it a couple times and says this is mahogany, Honduras mahogany not that Philippine crap.
My God this guy is amazing says one of the guys. Ok there's no way he can identify this one he says as he puts another plank on the bench. The blind guy runs his nose up and down it a few times and stares thats white oak. Wow that's amazing who knew oak has any smell?
Well after a few more beers a couple of the guys decided to have some fun with the blind carpenter, one of them says to another hey go get your wife and lay her on the table, this ought to be interesting.
The blind guy runs his nose up and down the woman for quite a while and then says flip it over, they roll the woman over and the bling guy runs his nose up and down her again and prompty states “thats the shitter door from a fishing boat”
One of them is blind, and he's a carpenter. Someone asks how the hell a blind man can be a carpenter.
He says he has to do everything by feel. His buddy says he's amazing and does really nice work.
He tells them the guy can identify any type of wood just by smell. One guy says oh yeah, let's see about that and grabs a plank that was laying on the ground puts it on on the bench and asks the blind guy to have a go.
The blind guy doesn't even lean over and prompty says that easy that yellow pine. Ok let's try something harder, they grab another board and put it down, he runs his nose up and down it a couple times and says this is mahogany, Honduras mahogany not that Philippine crap.
My God this guy is amazing says one of the guys. Ok there's no way he can identify this one he says as he puts another plank on the bench. The blind guy runs his nose up and down it a few times and stares thats white oak. Wow that's amazing who knew oak has any smell?
Well after a few more beers a couple of the guys decided to have some fun with the blind carpenter, one of them says to another hey go get your wife and lay her on the table, this ought to be interesting.
The blind guy runs his nose up and down the woman for quite a while and then says flip it over, they roll the woman over and the bling guy runs his nose up and down her again and prompty states “thats the shitter door from a fishing boat”
Fiftyyearsandcounting
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 25 Oct 2009
- Messages
- 2,122
Actress Joan Collins used to call her husband Bungalow Bill..."Because he doesn't have much upstairs".