Joke thread

Oh dear, another kidnapping at a primary school...these teachers have to be more interesting.

Next year I'm gonna take a really really clear photograph of myself. It'll be my new year's high resolution.

Don't talk to me about being modest...I know all about it.

A friend of mine was killed by his own mum and dad. I blame the parents.
 
TangerineSteve17 said:
Oh dear, another kidnapping at a primary school...these teachers have to be more interesting.

Next year I'm gonna take a really really clear photograph of myself. It'll be my new year's high resolution.

Don't talk to me about being modest...I know all about it.

A friend of mine was killed by his own mum and dad. I blame the parents.
Click to expand...


Lol back with a bang!
 
A load of books just fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
 
Oscar Pistorious has sacked his current legal team and hired Celtic's , after hearing they lost both legs but still got a victory.
 
Chipmeister said:
Oscar Pistorious has sacked his current legal team and hired Celtic's , after hearing they lost both legs but still got a victory.
Click to expand...

First decent one for a while. Thanks.
 
A seven-year-old says to his four-year-old sister "I think it's time we started swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first, then you."
"OK" says the four-year-old.
Mum asks seven-year-old what he wants for breakfast: "Coco Pops, woman" he replies.
Mum yells at him ferociously and he runs out of the kitchen.
Mum then asks the four-year-old sternly: "And what do you want?"
She replies: "I dunno, but it won't be fucking Coco Pops!"
 
My mum overheard me and my sister slagging her off behind her back. She confronted me and said "You disgust me!" I said "Yes we did."

My roommate said "I'm going toilet."
I said "Ok, but don't you dare pebble dash it again!"
Well ... He went potty!

I'm sick of my girlfriend poking fun at me, I want her dead. So I went to the library and took out the book 'To Kill A Mockingbird'
 
I got sacked yesterday :( My boss held me down and tea-bagged me.

People say I take after my dear old grandad. Unfortunately he's ill and on the transplant list. He's a man after my own heart that fellow.

I'm sick to death of eating food all the time. I'm fed up with the stuff.
 
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