Joke thread

i found my nan dead in her bed last night ,i was gutted ,i put my arms around her and held her as a tear rolled down my cheek i noticed that she was naked .i ended fucking her ,just as i was about to cum up her arse she shouted BOO!i mean what sort of sick fucker pretends to be dead !
 
Ive got a new addiction..drinking brake fluid.. fkin trippy man
my girlfriends not too pleased but i told her i can stop anytime.
 
Went to dr yesterday he told me i need a pacemaker,now got little kenyan running 2 yards in front of me
 
I've started seeing this gorgeous girl and she's a Muslim, she gave me a wank last night but boy was she rough.....I've nicknamed her the terror wrist!
 
Newsflash: Two indian brothers killed when they fell through a frozen pond in Birmingham. ITV are to make a documentary about a third brother who survived the ordeal. Dan Singh on Ice will be screened 9pm Sunday
 
I was in the pub the other day when I saw Fred sat at one of the tables with an Emu and a Cat..... odd, I know. I didn't go over. I just watched them. Fred got a round of drinks in, brought them to the table, and the three of them drank up. Then the Emu got up, and got the next round in. They drank up. Then Fred got up again for the next round. Then the Emu again. Noticing that the Cat wasn't buying any rounds, I finally decided to go over to Fred, who was at the bar getting another round in.

"Fred," I said. "What's errr... what's going on, here?"

"Oh, it's a long story," he said. "But to cut it short; I found a magic lamp this morning, so I rubbed it and a genie popped out, declaring that I could have one wish."

"What did you wish for?" I asked.

"A bird with long legs and a tight pussy."

BA-DUM-TSSS!
 
The judge in the Harry Rednapp trial has repeatedly warned him to stop nodding and winking at the jury
 
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