Joke thread

[roaminblue]

not read all 30 pages, so apologies if its been posted:

"A woman walked into a bar and asked for an innuendo, so the bartender gave her one"

 

[gaudinho's stolen car]

I played football with a load of Alaskan lads last night and not one of them could hit the target. Fucking Heskeymoes.

 

[deckoblue]

Did you hear about the dyslexic wino?
Hechoked to death on his own VIMTO.

 

[gaudinho's stolen car]

Necrophiliacs, pedophiles, disabled people... Can't believe someone had the audacity to call just ONE joke out on here as low.

Here's a racist one:

Englishman, Welshman and a Pakistani.

All have just become fathers, and they're sat in the maternity ward of the local hospital. Doctor comes out and tells them that they've somehow mixed up the babies and don't know whose is whose. The three men decide to sort it out for themselves.

Englishman goes in first to choose and comes out of the room with what clearly is the Pakistani baby. The Pakistani man says this,to which the Englishman responds,

"I'm sorry but one of those babies in there is Welsh and I'm not taking any chances!"

Considering you have only been on here for 3 weeks you seem like a bit of a busy ****. Or did you have a different user name before?

: ) We clash yet again. No actually. I first discovered the site this season and I've been using it for streams. Then I started reading Bluemoonforum. Then I joined and discovered Off-topic.

But I guess you won't believe me, seeing as... well... I'm posting yet again to talk to you. What's the matter, mate?

I can't remember falling out with you before under this user name, it's not a vendetta or anything. It's just that if I was new to a forum and someone told a joke like that I would be pretty shocked, no matter what the context. And yet you boldly stepped forward to defend the poster and to say that there are many other posts equally as offensive. That strikes me as a busy ****. Hope that clears it up.

 

[xenon_]

Considering you have only been on here for 3 weeks you seem like a bit of a busy ****. Or did you have a different user name before?

: ) We clash yet again. No actually. I first discovered the site this season and I've been using it for streams. Then I started reading Bluemoonforum. Then I joined and discovered Off-topic.

But I guess you won't believe me, seeing as... well... I'm posting yet again to talk to you. What's the matter, mate?

I can't remember falling out with you before under this user name, it's not a vendetta or anything. It's just that if I was new to a forum and someone told a joke like that I would be pretty shocked, no matter what the context. And yet you boldly stepped forward to defend the poster and to say that there are many other posts equally as offensive. That strikes me as a busy ****. Hope that clears it up.

Well it's just that I've been on here all day, today, and this is the third thread where you've posted right after me, making a comment about what I've posted. Never mind.

I see your point. I stopped being shocked about football fans jokes a long time ago. And after reading this thread, well I can safely say that I'm desensitized to just about anything some of the people post on here. I wasn't defending the poster, rather making a point about the absurdity of the person who posted "that's low." I mean, come on, have you read this thread!

But yeah, thanks for clearing that up, I honestly thought I'd made an enemy, for a second, there. I guess I am a busy ****, hahaha. ( I don't even know what means, properly, I thought you meant I have a lot of posts for someone who's been on here for three weeks.)

 

[buckshot]

You know what they say about blind prostitutes...


(You really have to hand it to them)

 

[Dumpys Rusty Nuts]

While my wife was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, I suddenly heard a loud thud, running in I found her passed out on the floor.
I began to panic as I had no idea what to do...then I remembered Wetherspoons do an all day breakfast fot £3.99

 

[mrcunny]

The wife said to me yesterday " I bet you can't go one day without cracking a joke about my periods"I said, " You're on. "<br /><br />-- Thu Jan 26, 2012 12:11 pm --<br /><br />wtf has happened to my joke thread. come on lads keep it clean and no low punches..

 

[mrcunny]

Just been watching African nations cup football, Ethiopian fans been singing 'who ate all the flies'

 

[dannyboy29]

Being a painter and decorator is hard at the minute, All this political correctness is getting beyond a joke,

I cant even say “black paint” anymore

Now I have to say,

“ please paint that wall Leroy”