Joke thread

[LWashington]

A man goes to the doctors and the doctor takes a look in his eyes.
"You need to stop masturbating so often", says the doctor.
"Why?" replies the man, "Am I going blind?"
"No" said the doctor "but you scared all the other patents in the waiting room".

 

[bitterblue78]

Bloke from barnsley with piles asks chemist "nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?" chemist replies "aye, magnum or conetto?"

 

[East Level 2]

Nicked from another City forum:

The worst pub I ever went into was called The Fiddle. It really was a vile inn.

 

[LWashington]

Harry had never smoked, drank, done drugs, chased women,gambled or eaten unhealthy food all his long life. He had his 90th birthday today and had no fucking idea how to celebrate it.

 

[Alex the Blue]

My wife and kids are leaving me because of my infatution with horse racing.

They're at the gate ....and they're off

 

[Alex the Blue]

My wife and kids are leaving me because of my infatution with horse racing.

They're at the gate ....and they're off

 

[Alex the Blue]

My dog keeps chasing people on a bike....... I've had to take the bike off him.

 

[Barcon]

A Native American brave was curious as to how he had received his name. So he went to speak to his father, the chieftain of the tribe.

"Father," he asked, "how is it that I acquired my name.

The noble chieftain began a long narrative for his youngest son.

"Well, my son, I named you and both of your brothers for an event which occurred on the day each of you were born. For example, the day your eldest brother was born, I saw a deer running swiftly through the forest, so I named him Deer Running Swiftly.

"Likewise, when your middle brother was born, the rain was pouring hard outside of the wigwam, so I named him Rain Pouring Hard.

"Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

 

[jimharri]

A Native American brave was curious as to how he had received his name. So he went to speak to his father, the chieftain of the tribe.

"Father," he asked, "how is it that I acquired my name.

The noble chieftain began a long narrative for his youngest son.

"Well, my son, I named you and both of your brothers for an event which occurred on the day each of you were born. For example, the day your eldest brother was born, I saw a deer running swiftly through the forest, so I named him Deer Running Swiftly.

"Likewise, when your middle brother was born, the rain was pouring hard outside of the wigwam, so I named him Rain Pouring Hard.

"Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

That joke was first told by Noah to two of the blokes working on his ark.

 

[Barcon]

That joke was first told by Noah to two of the blokes working on his ark.

That never happened.