Joke thread

"This old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said “I would like to withdraw £10”. The teller said to her, “for withdrawals less than £100, please use the ATM."
The old lady wanted to know why... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “Those are the rules, please leave if there is no further matter. There is a line of customers behind you”.
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds and handed her card back to the teller and said “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her “You have £300,000 in your account but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow?
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount up to £3000. “Well, please let me have £3000 now.” The teller kindly handed £3000 very politely and with a smile to her.
The old lady put £10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit £2990 back into her account.
And moral of this story is....
Don’t try to be smart with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skill.
 
An Irishman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

Here is your first question, the foreman said.

"Without using numbers, represent the number 9". "Without numbers?" The Irishman says? "Dat is easy". And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Have you got no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says the Irishman. "Fair enough" says the boss.

"Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99".

The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a little smudge on each tree... "Ere you go".

The boss scratches his head and says "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99".

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100".

The Irishman stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says "Ere you go. One hundred".

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers "A little dog come along and poops by each tree.

So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!"
 
An Irishman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

Here is your first question, the foreman said.

"Without using numbers, represent the number 9". "Without numbers?" The Irishman says? "Dat is easy". And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Have you got no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says the Irishman. "Fair enough" says the boss.

"Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99".

The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a little smudge on each tree... "Ere you go".

The boss scratches his head and says "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99".

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100".

The Irishman stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says "Ere you go. One hundred".

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers "A little dog come along and poops by each tree.

So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!"
33 1/3" is my favourite measurement.
 

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