Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
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Bill Walker
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My mate works for the Royal Mail, and part of his job is to process all the mail that has illegible addresses. One day last week, a letter came to his desk, addressed in shaky handwriting, to Father Christmas. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. He opened it and it read:
Dear Father Christmas,
I am a 93-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100.00 in it, which was all the money I have until my next pension money. In a couple of Sunday's it is Christmas, and I have invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? I could really do with you delivering anything before Xmas Day.
Sincerely, Edna
My mate was touched so he showed the letter to all of the other workers. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96.00, which they put into an envelope and delivered in the post the next day to the woman. He told me all of the workers felt a warm glow for the kind thing they had done. Then a few days ago, another letter came from the old lady, to Father Christmas again. All of the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:
Dear Father Christmas,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you have done for me? Because of your gift of love, I am now able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. I'm sure we'll all have a very nice day and I've told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those fuckin' thieving bastards at the Royal Mail ...
Sincerely, Edna :)
Dear Father Christmas,
I am a 93-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100.00 in it, which was all the money I have until my next pension money. In a couple of Sunday's it is Christmas, and I have invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? I could really do with you delivering anything before Xmas Day.
Sincerely, Edna
My mate was touched so he showed the letter to all of the other workers. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96.00, which they put into an envelope and delivered in the post the next day to the woman. He told me all of the workers felt a warm glow for the kind thing they had done. Then a few days ago, another letter came from the old lady, to Father Christmas again. All of the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:
Dear Father Christmas,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you have done for me? Because of your gift of love, I am now able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. I'm sure we'll all have a very nice day and I've told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those fuckin' thieving bastards at the Royal Mail ...
Sincerely, Edna :)
sir baconface
Well-Known Member
Sulking about being called a Red Indian.
Ancient Citizen
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''Can you think of anything worse than being scalped, Kemo Sabe?''
''Not off the top of my head Tonto.''
Dave Ewing's Back 'eader
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That Rag bastard had turned outlaw.
kippax4ever
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Uwe Already
Well-Known Member
Weirdly, Tonto is Spanish for “stupid” - not a joke but a bit funny if you like the Lone Ranger.
Bill Walker
Well-Known Member
Good job he wasn't Spanish.
Although the name was probably made up by a white man describing the Indian as stupid.
DrBlueBob
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Makes sense; "he's gone a bit tonto". The more I learn, the less proud I feel.
Bill Walker
Well-Known Member
As I walked along the street with my mate, I suddenly stopped beside a tree and said, "Look, a missing poster."
"What poster?" he asked.
"Exactly," I said.
"What poster?" he asked.
"Exactly," I said.
*** HELP Advice needed!!***
My kids keeps finding the Christmas presents that I have hidden around the house... someone suggested I put them up in the attic, so I did that last night.... I literally got no sleep coz all I could hear was them crying and moaning about spiders, the dark and wanting to be let down
any other suggestions please?
My kids keeps finding the Christmas presents that I have hidden around the house... someone suggested I put them up in the attic, so I did that last night.... I literally got no sleep coz all I could hear was them crying and moaning about spiders, the dark and wanting to be let down
sir baconface
Well-Known Member
jimharri
Moderator
Went on a tour of a chemical factory where they manufacture helium gas. Have to say, it was a brilliant experience. If you get the chance, you should go. I can't speak highly enough of it.
dickie davies
Well-Known Member
MaineDAWG2008
Well-Known Member
Nasty. But each to their own.
dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
The whole of Cornwall has been placed into Tier 4 lockdown after hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families... Apparently the Arrrrr rate has increased dramatically!
sir baconface
Well-Known Member
All I ever got at funerals was a sausage roll and a cup of tea.
Zubrman
Well-Known Member
The end will finally come for the Beatles when Sir Paul and Ringo pass away. It's a four gone conclusion.
Uwe Already
Well-Known Member
My granddad was injured in the Second World War, had his tongue shot off - he never spoke about it...