This one's worth it, lads...
I used to know a guy who loved tractors, I mean, he absolutely LOVED them. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even a little stash of tractor porn (which is not easy to find mind you...)
The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was the love he felt for his fiancé. She was his high school sweetheart, and they were soon to be married. She didn't mind his infatuation with tractors one bit, and did her best to engage in his love for tractors. She didn't even mind the role play he insisted upon, where she would dress as a tractor, he would dress as a farmer, and he would take her for a "ride".
Live was pretty sweet for those two, but it wasn't to be. Sadly, one day when driving home from work, his fiancé was involved in a crash. A tractor had fallen off the back of a transport truck, straight onto her car. She was rushed to hospital, close to death, but didn't die until he was at her side in the hospital. Her dying words "...don't blame the tractors, honey" and with that, she headed to the big farm in the sky.
Sadly, he couldn't forget what the tractor had caused. He could never hate them, but he could never carry on with his fondness for them. He went home and destroyed ALL his tractor related items, the toys, paintings, his wife's tractor suit, and even his collection of tractor porn. He put it all in a pile and burned it in the yard. What ever didn't burn enough to his liking was thrown into a woodchipper, and taken to the local tip. He then went inside, rarely leaving his home, for 8 years.
He never married, however, all those years later he did meet a nice local girl. They met at the local supermarket, and he asked her out for drink. She agreed, and on the following Friday, they met at the local pub. Now, this was before the smoking ban, and on entry, the pub was thick with cigarette smoke. His date did not like this, as she suffered from asthma. After noticing her displeasure, and trouble breathing, he looked at her and said "don't worry, watch this..." He walked to the middle of the room, and started breathing in. I mean, REALLY breathing in. Inhaling with such force that all the smoke quickly left the dining room, and went into his lungs. When the room was void of smoke he stepped outside and released it all into the night. He came back into the pub to huge applause. When he rejoined his date, she was equally shocked and impressed and asked "how on earth did you do that?!"
He replied, "I'm an extractor fan."
