Joke thread

[jimharri]

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away) suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

 

[Zuriblue]

Frederick Engels was helping Karl Marx move into a new home. Engels said "Karl I have found a Stradivarius in the toilet. Thats rare"

Marx replied "No you'll always get that: Its the violins inherent in the cistern"

 

[mat]

Frederick Engels was helping Karl Marx move into a new home. Engels said "Karl I have found a Stradivarius in the toilet. Thats rare"

Marx replied "No you'll always get that: Its the violins inherent in the cistern"

 

[MP71]

The most radio4 joke I have ever seen on here, by some margin.

 

[StrangewaysHereWeCome]

You know what's the worst thing about being a nonce?

Try as they might, they don't really 'fit in'

 

[BlueHammer85]

Frederick Engels was helping Karl Marx move into a new home. Engels said "Karl I have found a Stradivarius in the toilet. Thats rare"

Marx replied "No you'll always get that: Its the violins inherent in the cistern"

i feel really thick

 

[everythingchangesbutblue]

You know what's the worst thing about being a nonce?

Try as they might, they don't really 'fit in'

haha

 

[Zuriblue]

I have discovered a foolproof method of picking up women.

Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.

 

[bluegirl74]

The most radio4 joke I have ever seen on here, by some margin.

How about this one:

A Centurion walks in to the bar, holds up two fingers and buys a round of beers for himself and his four friends.

 

[MP71]

How about this one:

A Centurion walks in to the bar, holds up two fingers and buys a round of beers for himself and his four friends.

Yes this also qualifies