Joke thread

[tshirtman]

I once slept with a blind girl, she said I had the biggest penis she'd ever laid her hands on...... I said your pulling my leg

 

[chris63]

 

[Big Swifty]

A pirate is having a drink in a low dockside tavern when an old mate comes in and says " Hello again - how are you?"
Pirate: "I'm fine"
Mate: "You don't look fine - you've only got one leg"
Pirate: "Yes, we were attacked by a Spanish ship and a cannonball took of me leg"
Mate: "And you've only got one hand! You've got a hook!"
Pirate: "Yes, we were repelling boarders when a guy attacked me with a sword and
took me hand off"
Mate: "And you've lost an eye!"
Pirate: "Yes, I was looking uo at the sky when a bird overhead shat in it"
Mate: "You can't lose an eye 'cos a bird craps in it!"
Pirate": "Er....well, it was me first day with me new hook......"

I only hope it was worth all the trouble of typing this

 

[Zubrman]

A pirate is having a drink in a low dockside tavern when an old mate comes in and says " Hello again - how are you?"
Pirate: "I'm fine"
Mate: "You don't look fine - you've only got one leg"
Pirate: "Yes, we were attacked by a Spanish ship and a cannonball took of me leg"
Mate: "And you've only got one hand! You've got a hook!"
Pirate: "Yes, we were repelling boarders when a guy attacked me with a sword and
took me hand off"
Mate: "And you've lost an eye!"
Pirate: "Yes, I was looking uo at the sky when a bird overhead shat in it"
Mate: "You can't lose an eye 'cos a bird craps in it!"
Pirate": "Er....well, it was me first day with me new hook......"

I only hope it was worth all the trouble of typing this

Sadly, no.

 

[CTID1988]

I was going to create a herb garden this weekend but I couldn't find the thyme.

My new favourite joke

 

[Big Swifty]

A very sage comment.

 

[kashmir]

I thought the joke was mint

 

[lefty goldblatt]

I've just been to a Robbie Williams concert, AND I HATED IT.
Not because of the smug 2@ on stage. It was the woman next to me, trying to sell me insurance.
Through it all, she offered me protection.

 

[Big Swifty]

Two fellows in long coats came to my door trying to sell me a vacuum cleaner.
I think they were Jehoovers Witnesses.

Then two fellows knocked on the door trying to sell me brown bread.
They were Jehovis Witnesses.

 

[chris63]

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"



"We don’t have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."



"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you," the lawyer said.



"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."



"Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You also come with us."



The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"



"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.



They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."



The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high."