chris63
Well-Known Member
I lost my job as a stage designer.
I left without making a scene
I left without making a scene
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
BackofJeanette
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- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,584
I heard my son chanting: "DOMINE... BACTERIUM... LACTOBACILLUS... CASEI... SHIROTA!"
I think he's dabbling in the Yakult.
I think he's dabbling in the Yakult.
BackofJeanette
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- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,584
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines.
One day he finds a theatre where they are willing to give him a chance
to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening, carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line, 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long, before the play, he's practising
his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage and, with great passion, delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter, and the director was steaming: "You bloody fool!," he cried, "You've ruined me!" The actor was bewildered, "What happened? Did I forget my line?"
"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"
One day he finds a theatre where they are willing to give him a chance
to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening, carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line, 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long, before the play, he's practising
his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage and, with great passion, delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter, and the director was steaming: "You bloody fool!," he cried, "You've ruined me!" The actor was bewildered, "What happened? Did I forget my line?"
"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"
chris63
Well-Known Member
Two blood cells met and fell in love but alas it was all in vein.
chris63
Well-Known Member
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
chris63
Well-Known Member
A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 150kph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the expressway, enjoying pushing the Pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 180kph, then 200, then 250kph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up With him.
Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. It's Christmas. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," said the policeman
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the expressway, enjoying pushing the Pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 180kph, then 200, then 250kph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up With him.
Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. It's Christmas. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," said the policeman
ChicagoBlue
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 10 Jan 2009
- Messages
- 18,302
Wears the soap........said the Nun in the Bath....don't rub too hard said the sister, you are hurting
Nope. You gave the whole thing away with your spelling of the first word!!
The joke is
Two nuns in the shower, one turns to the other and says "Where's the soap?"
The other, startled and flushed, says, "Yes, it does, doesn't it!"
Manchester Uni Rag circa 1975-ish was where I first saw it!
From the same source...
Two old men sitting out in their deck chairs at Blackpool, watching the kids frolicking in the sand and enjoying their donkey rides.
One turns to the other and says, "Nice out isn't it?"
T'other one replies, "Yes, I think I'll keep it out!"
Last edited:
ChicagoBlue
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 10 Jan 2009
- Messages
- 18,302
First one in a while that's made me laugh out loud! :-)I once slept with a blind girl, she said I had the biggest penis she'd ever laid her hands on...... I said your pulling my leg
sir baconface
Well-Known Member
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines.
One day he finds a theatre where they are willing to give him a chance
to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening, carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line, 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long, before the play, he's practising
his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage and, with great passion, delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter, and the director was steaming: "You bloody fool!," he cried, "You've ruined me!" The actor was bewildered, "What happened? Did I forget my line?"
"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"
Like :)
talkativesprout
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 30 Mar 2009
- Messages
- 10,294
Nope. You gave the whole thing away with your spelling of the first word!!
Agreed, in my rush to be succinct and forum quirky i committed the sin of giving up the game.
Old Chapel County Primary School Dukinfield circa 1978
Teacher: Can any give me a sentence wit Judicious in?
Lil Benny: Yes Miss , Hands that Ju-Dic-ious, can feel soft as your face, with mild green Fairy Liquid . :)