Joke thread

[mancity2012_eamo]

Another snowflake

Don’t know how it would look coming from the Irish mate. That’s all.
Here’s your starter for ten.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Don’t know how it would look coming from the Irish mate. That’s all.
Here’s your starter for ten.
View attachment 13971

Was she speaking with Meghan?

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

Was she speaking with Meghan?

Funny you should say that.

 

[yeseye]

Me: "I think I'll open this drawer."

Potato masher: "The fuck you will."

 

[bonespost]

Good news! Prince Philip is no longer ill.

 

[mat]

Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race.

He was found guilty of using performance enhancing rugs.

 

[sir baconface]

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

 

[Big Swifty]

Tim Nice-but-Dim has proposed to his girlfriend, and she accepts - so long as he asks her daddy for her hand in marriage.
Which he does.

The old feller replies grudgingly "Yes, I suppose so. But I have to tell you - she's got a big ****"

Tim protests "Sir" You're talking of the woman I am going to marry!"

The old chap says " No. you bloody fool. It's YOU I'm talking about!"

 

[Blue Mist]

To mark the funeral next Saturday of Prince Philip, Andy Burnham the mayor of Manchester, has announced there will be a 21 gun salute...... Moss Side, Cheetham Hill and Salford will send 7 representatives each.

 

[Magicpole]

Neil lennon

Giggity.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

 

[balotellishaircut]

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?
One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean.

 

[chris63]

Just got back from the snooker accessories shop.

You wouldn't believe the cues.

 

[PannickAtTheDisco]

View attachment 14066

"What a beautiful sash you've got"
"No, it's just the bloody seatbelt I should have worn in the first place".

 

[sir baconface]

 

[sir baconface]

 

[sir baconface]

 

[xgorton]

Just bought a pair of shoes from the local drug dealer,don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

 

[Uwe Already]

Is it true that constipated mathematicians work it out with a pencil?