Joke thread

[Dave Ewing's Back 'eader]

Why didn't he pick England, or South Africa, or another team more likely to win the world cup?

His grandad on his mother's side was probably Samoan!

 

[Dave Ewing's Back 'eader]

Why didn't he pick England, or South Africa, or another team more likely to win the world cup?

His grandad on his mother's side was probably Samoan!

 

[tshirtman]

A snobby middle class woman sees a parrot being sold cheaply
she asked why so cheap
shopkeeper tells her it's because it used to live in a brothel
the woman thinks it's funny and something to bring out at dinner parties, so she buys it
when she gets it home the parrot says,
"fucking great a new brothel"
the woman thinks it's funny and chuckles,
later that day, her 2 daughters come home from school and the parrot says,
"oh fucking great, new prostitutes"
the girls look at the parrot bemused but still think it's great
a little later the womans husband comes home and the parrot says
"fucking hell, alright Bob haven't seen you in ages"

 

[malg]

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.

Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

Very good.

 

[Sam Armstrong]

The President Of The United States has challenged the British Prime Minister to a televised debate.

Nobody has any idea what may happen.

Trump may trump May, or, May may trump Trump!!!

 

[Gabriel]

"What colour would you call this?"

"Fawn"

"What colour would you call this, o wise and beautiful identifier of colours?"

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Paddy's dog has been missing for a couple of days and he's heartbroken.
Paddy's wife says " why don't you put a notice in the newsagents window?"
Paddy thinks this is great idea so he writes out a note and sticks it in the shop window.
After another couple of days pass his missus says " I thought we would have heard something by now Paddy, what did you write in the notice?"
Paddy answers "Here Boy!!"

 

[jimharri]

Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships? So when they go back to port, they can Scandinavian.

Or

I was walking past the bookies the other day and there was a sign in the window, "Open Sunday: 11-2". I thought, I'll 'ave a cheeky tenner on that.

Or

A Glaswegian lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time and introduces her to his parents.
"This is Amanda"
His dad jumps up and yells "It's a Fookin Wha?"





Thank you, thank you. Don't clap, just throw money.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

My mates say I have a preoccupation with revenge.

We'll see about that.

 

[remember arthur mann]

Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships? So when they go back to port, they can Scandinavian.

Or

I was walking past the bookies the other day and there was a sign in the window, "Open Sunday: 11-2". I thought, I'll 'ave a cheeky tenner on that.

Or

A Glaswegian lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time and introduces her to his parents.
"This is Amanda"
His dad jumps up and yells "It's a Fookin Wha?"





Thank you, thank you. Don't clap, just throw money.